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How can a man knows that she could be a good future wife?


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#1 melody

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Posted 30 December 2010 - 04:35 PM

Hubby has a friend who comes to visit us many times.The guy is still single,never been married but not desperately looking for someone nor finding seriously a woman for him but he realize it's time for him to settle a family.He is at his 40's and he seems to be ready facing more responsibilities in life.He has a good stable job,have a nice home of his own and besides he is morally trained person.Everytime he comes to visit us,hubby tease him to look for a woman on the net.On my part,I have found a Filipina woman for her.He have shown interest to search for a lady that could fit for him.Surely he is not afraid of commitments but worry for future delusion and failure.One of his asks is.. "how could I know that she would become a good future wife and the best mother for our future kids?" A thought that I would like to ask from you well-experienced members in WOF and get some ideas regarding this matter…so HOW and what type is that perfect Filipina wife one is searching for?

Edited by melody, 30 December 2010 - 04:37 PM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#2 AYENSGUYTOM

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Posted 30 December 2010 - 04:45 PM



there is only one way huh
You must spend time chatting, emailing and then
physically being in each others presence to know if
it is real, if it click and if u have " the feeling" hmmm

Tell him, he must JUMP in feet first and start swimming.

rolleyes.gif

#3 Liwayway

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Posted 30 December 2010 - 07:26 PM

QUOTE (melody @ Dec 30 2010, 04:35 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hubby has a friend who comes to visit us many times.The guy is still single,never been married but not desperately looking for someone nor finding seriously a woman for him but he realize it's time for him to settle a family.He is at his 40's and he seems to be ready facing more responsibilities in life.He has a good stable job,have a nice home of his own and besides he is morally trained person.Everytime he comes to visit us,hubby tease him to look for a woman on the net.On my part,I have found a Filipina woman for her.He have shown interest to search for a lady that could fit for him.Surely he is not afraid of commitments but worry for future delusion and failure.One of his asks is.. "how could I know that she would become a good future wife and the best mother for our future kids?" A thought that I would like to ask from you well-experienced members in WOF and get some ideas regarding this matter…so HOW and what type is that perfect Filipina wife one is searching for?


Just last night, my husband and I were talking about how the world had changed over the years. We were on our way to see TRON at The Henry Ford IMAX Theater when all of a sudden, some random thoughts popped into my head. I asked him what if airplanes had not been invented? And he replied, if airplanes had not been invented then you wouldn't have been my wife. After he said that, I started thinking about how destiny brought us together.

There's no correct or wrong answer to your question, Melody. I've seen a lot of marriages that started out great but ended up disastrous. I guess your friend just needs to make sure he knows what he's looking for. Tell him to do some research on Philippine Culture first before he makes a decision to start his quest for a [Filipino] wife. There are so many 'Bees' in the Philippines that he needs to watch out for. Some Bees can be sweet, harmless, lovely, pretty, but when annoyed, they sting... real bad! *wink* tongue.gif
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#4 melody

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Posted 31 December 2010 - 12:06 PM

QUOTE (AYENSGUYTOM @ Dec 30 2010, 01:45 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>


Tell him, he must JUMP in feet first and start swimming.
[/color]
rolleyes.gif


The problem is he doesn't know well how to swim..if he jump in feet into the water laugh.gif tongue.gif

He have seen foreign couples happy and have notice that some ends into divorce. He always says that my husband is lucky to find me among those girls after 2 divorce..He would like asian girl but worry of language (english) and travelling to Phil...there are some pinay in the city but afraid of approaching them..for what reason then.. laugh.gif

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#5 melody

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Posted 31 December 2010 - 12:26 PM

QUOTE (Liwayway @ Dec 30 2010, 04:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
I asked him what if airplanes had not been invented? He rather use the ship going to Phil and meet you.. tongue.gif

And he replied, if airplanes had not been invented then you wouldn't have been my wife. After he said that, I started thinking about how destiny brought us together.

If divorce doesn't exist..my ask to hubby..then i wouldn't be his wife nor marry me.. sad.gif Better luck...there is airplane and divorce..the two gave chance for a destiny to meet each other.

There's no correct or wrong answer to your question, Melody. I've seen a lot of marriages that started out great but ended up disastrous. I guess your friend just needs to make sure he knows what he's looking for.

Yah...my question is worth A million dollar babe to have the right answer (as being used here in italy)..This man knows what he is looking for but not really optimistic about the future..he have seen that nowadays divorce has great numbers than marriage and before entering to marriage-life,he must think million of times as he said.

Tell him to do some research on Philippine Culture first before he makes a decision to start his quest for a [Filipino] wife. There are so many 'Bees' in the Philippines that he needs to watch out for. Some Bees can be sweet, harmless, lovely, pretty, but when annoyed, they sting... real bad! *wink* tongue.gif

I think by observing me..how i am..the way i deal with people and family can give him some backgrounds of Phil. culture,he knows hubby for 30 yrs and have seen pinays here that are loyal,hard-working with good moral values...He is just afraid if one day the girl he plans to marry get here in italy not for the love him and then could change mind,could leave him,find another man..etc....honestly speaking..he is not that handsome man..

Bees........... laugh.gif ....congrats to beeguy,anyway,he found that sweet,harmless,lovely,pretty,genuine beegirl..

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#6 Thetimewillcome

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Posted 31 December 2010 - 01:00 PM

In order to start to answer that question, he better know his own self "really" well. And he has hopefully had enough long term relationships that he will see what would make a life long partner, as in she has what the failed relationships lacked.




October 2010- Met online
October 28, 2010-Officially a couple
Feb 26, 2011- Met at NAIA
Feb 28, 2011- Proposed in Bali
Sept 1, 2011- Second trip to the Philippines
Feb 11, 2012- Third trip to the Philippines
July 9, 2012- Final divorce judgement
Aug 10, 2012- Sent I-129F
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April 19 2013-NOA 2
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#7 melody

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Posted 02 January 2011 - 04:19 PM

QUOTE (Thetimewillcome @ Dec 31 2010, 10:00 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
In order to start to answer that question, he better know his own self "really" well. And he has hopefully had enough long term relationships that he will see what would make a life long partner, as in she has what the failed relationships lacked.


Long-term relationship..is a thing that never he has..he doesn't have enough self-confidence afraid of getting into a relationship.if i'm not wrong never he experience of having a girlfriend..experience would be great to teach him what would make a long partner...but he is afraid to try.....

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#8 Thetimewillcome

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Posted 02 January 2011 - 07:19 PM

QUOTE (melody @ Jan 2 2011, 08:19 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Long-term relationship..is a thing that never he has..he doesn't have enough self-confidence afraid of getting into a relationship.if i'm not wrong never he experience of having a girlfriend..experience would be great to teach him what would make a long partner...but he is afraid to try.....

Well, then it may be a crap shoot. Maybe he will be lucky and find the right person.

October 2010- Met online
October 28, 2010-Officially a couple
Feb 26, 2011- Met at NAIA
Feb 28, 2011- Proposed in Bali
Sept 1, 2011- Second trip to the Philippines
Feb 11, 2012- Third trip to the Philippines
July 9, 2012- Final divorce judgement
Aug 10, 2012- Sent I-129F
Aug 14 2012- NOA 1

April 19 2013-NOA 2
Aug 5 Sputum negative, finished medical

Aug 7 Embassy interview passed

Aug 31 Visa delivered.

 

The US government agencies that process visa applications suck stinky a$$.


‎"A wise man should consider health is the greatest blessing, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses" -Hippocrates


#9 joseph41

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Posted 04 January 2011 - 09:17 AM

QUOTE (Liwayway @ Dec 30 2010, 01:26 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Just last night, my husband and I were talking about how the world had changed over the years. We were on our way to see TRON at The Henry Ford IMAX Theater when all of a sudden, some random thoughts popped into my head. I asked him what if airplanes had not been invented? And he replied, if airplanes had not been invented then you wouldn't have been my wife. After he said that, I started thinking about how destiny brought us together.

There's no correct or wrong answer to your question, Melody. I've seen a lot of marriages that started out great but ended up disastrous. I guess your friend just needs to make sure he knows what he's looking for. Tell him to do some research on Philippine Culture first before he makes a decision to start his quest for a [Filipino] wife. There are so many 'Bees' in the Philippines that he needs to watch out for. Some Bees can be sweet, harmless, lovely, pretty, but when annoyed, they sting... real bad! *wink* tongue.gif


Wow. Lucky girl. Not every pinay goes from Jollibee's to IMAX hehe. You have done well.

As for original question, he sounds like he has interpersonal problems that will not be resolved by finding a "mail order bride". But it certainly would help him to get on a dating site, just to talk a little and hopefully to be able to see the good from the bad. But sadly, he would probably fall for the first girl that told him she loved him. Be a good friend and facilitate this, but have some veto power...lol.

#10 Gie88

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Posted 07 January 2011 - 05:50 PM

QUOTE (melody @ Dec 30 2010, 11:35 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
One of his asks is.. "how could I know that she would become a good future wife and the best mother for our future kids?" A thought that I would like to ask from you well-experienced members in WOF and get some ideas


u'll never know until ur married. he'll grow old wondering, till hes almost dying thats when he tell himself, "i should've, shoulda, coulda..." & if he has any more doubts, he should become a priest. he might find the answer on his own. imo

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#11 melody

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Posted 07 January 2011 - 06:32 PM

QUOTE (Gie88 @ Jan 7 2011, 02:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
u'll never know until ur married. he'll grow old wondering, till hes almost dying thats when he tell himself, "i should've, shoulda, coulda..." & if he has any more doubts, he should become a priest. he might find the answer on his own. imo


You have a serious reply but it makes me laugh... laugh.gif ...sure i'll tell that to him...

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#12 prklts

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 11:15 AM

This kind of excessive timidity is a problem with American men. His personality and lifestyle are fine, if he wants to be in control of his own time and money -- in other words live his own life. On the other hand, if he wants to meet women, fall in love, and get married his personality and lifestyle are inadequate. It sounds like there could be a problem. (The problem is him, but it is not insurmountable. That just means it's time for personal growth.)

If he wants to come out of his shell and explore the world of females, then he should make a list of what he wants from a woman. It should be a real list (not half-baked mental ideas), written down somewhere. It should contain his deal breakers but also things he'd like. This will help him to evaluate women and to understand when he's found "the one."

There are people out there for whom divorce is not an option. That can be something he puts on his list.

In my opinion, people are either givers or takers. People should try to find a giver. Put that on the list too. Also, people are either flexible or inflexible. He wants a flexible person. Put that on the list too.

Starting point for a list:

- divorce is not an option
- flexible
- giver
- prefers Coke, not Pepsi

Something for the original poster... if your friend is happy to be single, then don't meddle with him! There are lots of guys who get married and regret it for the rest of their lives. How would you feel if he spent a lot of time and money getting married, and then three years later she left him? That's a heavy burden for you to carry. Being single is a valid lifestyle choice, and if he's your friend you ought to respect that. There's nothing wrong with it.

(One last tip for the guy friend... if people ask him why he's never gotten married or something, the right answer is, "I guess I've never found the right person." He should avoid all this stuff about being inexperienced or shy or focused on himself or something. That stuff is not going to help his cause.)
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#13 Ampalaya

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 03:37 PM

This kind of excessive timidity is a problem with American men. His personality and lifestyle are fine, if he wants to be in control of his own time and money -- in other words live his own life. On the other hand, if he wants to meet women, fall in love, and get married his personality and lifestyle are inadequate. It sounds like there could be a problem. (The problem is him, but it is not insurmountable. That just means it's time for personal growth.)

If he wants to come out of his shell and explore the world of females, then he should make a list of what he wants from a woman. It should be a real list (not half-baked mental ideas), written down somewhere. It should contain his deal breakers but also things he'd like. This will help him to evaluate women and to understand when he's found "the one."

There are people out there for whom divorce is not an option. That can be something he puts on his list.

In my opinion, people are either givers or takers. People should try to find a giver. Put that on the list too. Also, people are either flexible or inflexible. He wants a flexible person. Put that on the list too.

Starting point for a list:

- divorce is not an option
- flexible
- giver
- prefers Coke, not Pepsi

Something for the original poster... if your friend is happy to be single, then don't meddle with him! There are lots of guys who get married and regret it for the rest of their lives. How would you feel if he spent a lot of time and money getting married, and then three years later she left him? That's a heavy burden for you to carry. Being single is a valid lifestyle choice, and if he's your friend you ought to respect that. There's nothing wrong with it.

(One last tip for the guy friend... if people ask him why he's never gotten married or something, the right answer is, "I guess I've never found the right person." He should avoid all this stuff about being inexperienced or shy or focused on himself or something. That stuff is not going to help his cause.)

'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink'This idiom means you can offer something to someone, like good advice, but you cannot make them take it. Some people aren't "suitable" for marriage.
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#14 carl

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Posted 14 March 2011 - 03:58 PM

40 something year old male, single never been married, financially secure stable and a moral person.... you want to help him? Stay out of the way he will find his own way with out your interference or help, if he needs your help or input he will ask for it. Easy solution..... :)

Edited by carl, 14 March 2011 - 03:59 PM.


#15 melody

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Posted 16 March 2011 - 02:21 PM

40 something year old male, single never been married, financially secure stable and a moral person.... you want to help him? Stay out of the way he will find his own way with out your interference or help, if he needs your help or input he will ask for it. Easy solution..... :)


Huh....Quite provoking for me your post but sure it is a very sincere one...;) i don't want to bother anymore to look for a woman for him..if he really needs my help..sure i will be there to assist him.

Edited by melody, 16 March 2011 - 02:21 PM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#16 FieryMary

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Posted 23 March 2011 - 07:32 AM

This kind of excessive timidity is a problem with American men. His personality and lifestyle are fine, if he wants to be in control of his own time and money -- in other words live his own life. On the other hand, if he wants to meet women, fall in love, and get married his personality and lifestyle are inadequate. It sounds like there could be a problem. (The problem is him, but it is not insurmountable. That just means it's time for personal growth.)

If he wants to come out of his shell and explore the world of females, then he should make a list of what he wants from a woman. It should be a real list (not half-baked mental ideas), written down somewhere. It should contain his deal breakers but also things he'd like. This will help him to evaluate women and to understand when he's found "the one."

There are people out there for whom divorce is not an option. That can be something he puts on his list.

In my opinion, people are either givers or takers. People should try to find a giver. Put that on the list too. Also, people are either flexible or inflexible. He wants a flexible person. Put that on the list too.

Starting point for a list:

- divorce is not an option
- flexible
- giver
- prefers Coke, not Pepsi

Something for the original poster... if your friend is happy to be single, then don't meddle with him! There are lots of guys who get married and regret it for the rest of their lives. How would you feel if he spent a lot of time and money getting married, and then three years later she left him? That's a heavy burden for you to carry. Being single is a valid lifestyle choice, and if he's your friend you ought to respect that. There's nothing wrong with it.

(One last tip for the guy friend... if people ask him why he's never gotten married or something, the right answer is, "I guess I've never found the right person." He should avoid all this stuff about being inexperienced or shy or focused on himself or something. That stuff is not going to help his cause.)




VERY WELL SAID! :-)

#17 shipscook

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 01:22 PM

If he does not know what he wants, then how would anybody else know ?

i had several friends similar than the one you describe in my circle of buddies, all successful and good guys without any complications such as overly shy or otherwise hindered.

After many years the following turned out to happen ( on a reunion a few years ago) :

2 of them were just scared of commitments, they are ok now after jumping in the water.

1 of them was gay without knowing, he is happy as a "gay" now.

1 of them was waiting for the crash- boom- bang love feeling, but it never came, so he got together with a good lady friend, and see, he fell in love all of the sudden and became the maddest romantic i ever met in my life.

1 of them was always looking for the "perfect' beauty, he is still single and lonely.


All of them had one thing in common, they did not knew what their "problem" was. But others also didn't knew.

i guess, we just gota et go of the "everyone must be married" idea and let people live, it will all come to one piece one day.

#18 W. Thomas

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Posted 09 April 2012 - 09:48 AM

Mel,

I was curious to know if your hubbies friend ever found love.

Bill

#19 melody

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 10:26 AM

Mel,

I was curious to know if your hubbies friend ever found love.

Bill


Yes he ever found love but not a pinay. He would like but as he considered all the aspects like language,he doesn't speak english (only yes and no),he needs to come in pinas and meet the girl without understanding nothing,he should expend lot of money for the visa..etc,so he forgot the idea.

He is on the way to marry a woman he met for a chance,he is madly inlove but hoping this is the first and the last marriage..

And you?:unsure:

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#20 W. Thomas

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Posted 14 April 2012 - 12:24 PM

And you?:unsure:


Well Marichu and I seem to be doing well... All of disagreements are because cultural differences. No big deal once we talk about it... I am smitten, I admit... .she says she is.

Bill




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