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Giving a friend my honest opinion


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#1 enelra

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Posted 14 January 2012 - 10:27 AM

I apologize if I edit this post and abbreviate it. I feel that I may have violated my friend's privacy by posting her story online. Will just leave the substance of the questions intact, for the readers. Thanks.

xxxx

Hello and a Happy New Year to all! Im sorry I have posted only now, as I never felt that I had anything urgent that I needed help with this past year. Now, however, there is this issue with a friend that has been on my mind for some days now. Let me get straight to the matter.

xxxx

xxxx

xxxx

But my questions are: What are the chances of a pinay getting a tourist visa to visit the bf in the US? The bf has never met her in person, and he has never been to the Philippines.

Would the bf's current child support problems/case be a hindrance to his traveling outside the US, or getting a passport?

If the bf cannot come, and the pinay were to visit him instead, can she still go there under his sponsorship or if he writes a letter of invitation and support? Note that they have never ever met, and the pinay has no friends or relatives in the US. Factor in that she may not be able to overcome the requirement of proving to the embassy that she has compelling reasons to return to the Philippines. Their plan is for her to get a tourist visa, and her to get engaged to the bf and marry there.

Edited by enelra, 20 January 2012 - 05:47 AM.


#2 1PPCLI

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Posted 14 January 2012 - 03:14 PM

Lots of red flags there, the most serious being the domestic violence. My advice is for friend to return this fish to the sea and look for someone with less issues.

#3 Mr. Lee

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Posted 14 January 2012 - 03:28 PM

I too would have to say she should move on since a can of worms is easy to find but a good man may take more fishing. The fact that he says he cannot afford to travel or cannot travel may well mean he has a Felony conviction for domestic abuse or is on probation. You say she looked him up on the internet, yet he denies having criminal charges, the internet court records do not lie and while there is always two sides to every story, that is why the courts are there to sort them out, so if the court records say he was convicted, then he is a liar on top of a spouse beater.

If she has not looked up his court records then I suggest she or you look them up since some states are open and if you really wish to be a friend and you do not mind spending a few dollars to possibly save her a lifetime of misery, a lot can be found out on the internet with a name and DOB and a few dollars.

Edited by Mr. Lee, 14 January 2012 - 03:29 PM.

Retired, happily married since 94 & live part time in Cebu City and the rest of the time in Florida, USA.


#4 JoeinMI

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Posted 14 January 2012 - 10:26 PM

She wants a future, stable family, and lasting relationship but there are WAY too many questions here. Frankly, I'd tell her to run as fast as she can. I'm not saying that her man cant do that, but it sounds like his past does not show the life she is hoping for.

Her best plan is to find someone who already lives the kind of life that will best give her the chance for the life she wants - even if she has to keep searching.
Best of luck!

#5 melody

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Posted 15 January 2012 - 09:26 AM

I was very blunt with her, and advised that maybe she should start looking for someone else, and I am worried that I may have offended her.



You need not to worry if you feel you may have offended her... just try to explain and advice her to the way that she understand your point and letting her feel that you care for her. A good friend listens your words and never feel offended ( i have proven this with mine) .. continue to advice her before it's too late..and it's up to her at the end to choose wether to follow your advice or to listen his inlove heart... but speaking of inlove heart, do you think she is inlove with the man without being meet him in person? No, i think or she is blinded only with such "AMERICAN DREAM" ... :blink:

Me too , i'm worried of her ... fisherman should take the first move to meet her not us ladies,huh.. for me she is just risking herself..

Edited by melody, 15 January 2012 - 09:28 AM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#6 James in Austin Tx

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Posted 15 January 2012 - 03:51 PM

Please tell your friend to turn around and not walk away from this guy, but run.. There are so many red flags in front of my eyes I can barely see to type... This is a disaster waiting to happen..


You need not to worry if you feel you may have offended her... just try to explain and advice her to the way that she understand your point and letting her feel that you care for her. A good friend listens your words and never feel offended ( i have proven this with mine) .. continue to advice her before it's too late..and it's up to her at the end to choose wether to follow your advice or to listen his inlove heart... but speaking of inlove heart, do you think she is inlove with the man without being meet him in person? No, i think or she is blinded only with such "AMERICAN DREAM" ... :blink:

Me too , i'm worried of her ... fisherman should take the first move to meet her not us ladies,huh.. for me she is just risking herself..


Edited by James in Austin Tx, 15 January 2012 - 03:51 PM.


#7 enelra

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Posted 19 January 2012 - 11:46 PM

Thank you JoeinMI, James, 1PPCLI, and Mr. Lee and melody. Everything you told me, I have tried to convey to my friend. The problem is that maybe she thinks that I am incompetent to give advice on these things as my past online experiences have not exactly been good. I havent had the chance to talk with my friend, she may be avoiding me now as she feels that I am not supporting her on this. I feel bad for that, and I am really hoping that her man comes through and proves me wrong. Until then, I have my reservations.

I really dont have much to worry about if all they are doing is chat. She hasnt even begun the process of applying for a tourist visa yet, and the chances of her getting one is not great. But the problem is that she is too attached to him that she has pinned all her hopes and dreams on this man. They had been chatting for over a year. I would really hate for her to be sorely disappointed.

The heart wants what it wants, and my friend's heart is pretty set on her online bf. Feeling unqualified to give her proper advice, I needed information on the actual process of applying for a tourist visa from someone who actually went through this procedure to meet her boyfriend overseas. This way, I can relay the information to my friend, and she could compare this with what the bf was suggesting. It would be up to her to weigh the information then, see if their plans are feasible or not.

Once again, thank you. JoeinMI, I really liked how you phrased your reply. I wish she would read the posts on this forum, as I suggested. Thanks Bing for the information.

Anyway, I feel that I have violated my friend's privacy enough by posting her story online. I hope you dont mind if I edit the original post.

#8 1PPCLI

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Posted 20 January 2012 - 01:26 AM

I think you will be hard pressed to find any successful tourist visa being issued, so a GF can visit a BF.

As for the boyfriend ony fishing three days a week, from what I heard, when it is time to fish, they fish, and it is not for three days a week. From associates who were born on the Atlantic coast of Canada, they tell me when the season openings, you fish until the holds are full, then you come in, unload and ret for a day, then back out to the sea. They can be out for a week or two. Can't imagine the commercial fishery in Alaska is any different, but it may well be.

#9 Flyingdevildog

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Posted 20 January 2012 - 01:30 AM

Well all it takes is money.

money to get the visa, money to get the other paperwork done, money to prove (and land) to prove that she is in fact going to come back to PI, money for the plane ticket, and money for the show cash (about $1000.00 US).

just need money sweetheart


Dawg

Edited by Flyingdevildog, 20 January 2012 - 01:30 AM.

I have taken a vow of poverty.
to annoy me just send money.

#10 enelra

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Posted 20 January 2012 - 05:55 AM

@ 1PPCLI, yes I did wonder too about that "fishing" business. I do watch clips of the Deadliest Catch every now and then, so I understand that you go out, go fish and it takes days. It's not like small time fishing here that they use small boats to go catch fish for the day. Just there, I sense there are some things he hasnt come clean with. Or maybe my friend is also editing things from me.

@ Dawg, yes indeed. Money, and I think he will have a hard time to prove that he can afford to pay for the entire procedure. I went back to my conversation with the friend, and I recall her saying that he said he could get a passport and be allowed to travel as long as he can prove that he can support his child. Meaning to say, he has to have sufficient funds or income.

I dont know...maybe my friend will at least listen to my suggestion and come to this forum to ask. For now, I can only tell her to visit the US Embassy's website and check the rules for the issuance of a B2 visa.

#11 W. Thomas

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Posted 20 February 2012 - 08:03 AM

I know this thread is a bit dated but I thought I would chime in.

First of all, if he is a commercial fisherman, with a steady job, he has money. I was born in a fishing village in Florida and all my kin fished commercially. They work extremely hard but are well compensated for their time and effort.

Being away from port for days at a time is not unusual.

Now that said. I would suggest that a lady from the Philippines INSIST that her "friend" go there to meet her.

Things in the US are going to be very strange to her and she will be extremely vulnerable while she is gone. Think of it this way. if they were married, would the man let her go into a bad neighborhood in the dark while he stayed in relative safety? If he does, he is no man.

She simply has too much too risk and it will be too easy to take advantage of her. If he cannot go to the PI, then it is because he should not... he should have the money he needs... there must be some other reason.

Good luck to you in convincing your friend... The heart can be blind.

Bill




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