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#1 ruth_dee

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Posted 04 December 2010 - 07:37 AM

sad.gif Hello Everyone, Just call me Ruth. I got a really really BIG problem sad.gif I hope you guys can help me, I need an advice or any information that I can use. Well, I arrived here in the U.S last year Nov. 2009 with a fiancee visa. We got married before 3 months and then we send my change of status (I-485) to the immigration. After few months I had biometrics, then I was waiting for our interview together.
Sometimes i think I'm stupid, or im just being blinded by my feelings for him. This is because he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. When I arrived here, he was always drinking, and the worst thing is he would physically and mentally hurt me, and in the morning he would say he didn't do it, that I just made a story about it, seems like he doesnt know what he's doing when he's drinking. This thing happens to me again and again but he would say that when he's going back to work after we got married he wont drink anymore since he's job is driving. So everytime he's drunk and go crazy and when he apologize and say he wont do it anymore I give him chances, I told myself he wont do it anymore when he's working. Another thing happen is on our wedding day, after we got married he had shots and drinks and he went crazy for no reason... we had a fight at walmart parking area and a cop ask me what happe, I WISH I TOLD THEM THE TRUTH, but I didnt, I cover for him and the same things happen again....over and over again..... I go with him driving around the country delivering things for fed-ex until one day I can't take it anymore.... we were in oklahoma that time when he was drunk and I left him when he kick me on my arm. I Left him on June, now I dont know what to do with my papers, we havent finish processing coz I left and I will never come back to him. Its not the life I want, I dont wanna be a battered wife. I wanted to send the form to the immigration as battered wife, but I dont know if the emails he sent would be enough evidences? I dont work, I dont have money for lawyer either. Does anyone here knows what should I do? Please help me. Maybe It's better for me to go home? But I wanna fight for my right, he doesn't deserve to be happy. I dont know, I really dont know whats the best thing for me to do???????????

Thanks everyone for hearing me. God bless

Edited by ruth_dee, 04 December 2010 - 07:40 AM.


#2 Fritz

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Posted 04 December 2010 - 08:52 AM

QUOTE (ruth_dee @ Dec 3 2010, 11:37 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
sad.gif Hello Everyone, Just call me Ruth. I got a really really BIG problem sad.gif I hope you guys can help me, I need an advice or any information that I can use. Well, I arrived here in the U.S last year Nov. 2009 with a fiancee visa. We got married before 3 months and then we send my change of status (I-485) to the immigration. After few months I had biometrics, then I was waiting for our interview together.
Sometimes i think I'm stupid, or im just being blinded by my feelings for him. This is because he was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. When I arrived here, he was always drinking, and the worst thing is he would physically and mentally hurt me, and in the morning he would say he didn't do it, that I just made a story about it, seems like he doesnt know what he's doing when he's drinking. This thing happens to me again and again but he would say that when he's going back to work after we got married he wont drink anymore since he's job is driving. So everytime he's drunk and go crazy and when he apologize and say he wont do it anymore I give him chances, I told myself he wont do it anymore when he's working. Another thing happen is on our wedding day, after we got married he had shots and drinks and he went crazy for no reason... we had a fight at walmart parking area and a cop ask me what happe, I WISH I TOLD THEM THE TRUTH, but I didnt, I cover for him and the same things happen again....over and over again..... I go with him driving around the country delivering things for fed-ex until one day I can't take it anymore.... we were in oklahoma that time when he was drunk and I left him when he kick me on my arm. I Left him on June, now I dont know what to do with my papers, we havent finish processing coz I left and I will never come back to him. Its not the life I want, I dont wanna be a battered wife. I wanted to send the form to the immigration as battered wife, but I dont know if the emails he sent would be enough evidences? I dont work, I dont have money for lawyer either. Does anyone here knows what should I do? Please help me. Maybe It's better for me to go home? But I wanna fight for my right, he doesn't deserve to be happy. I dont know, I really dont know whats the best thing for me to do???????????

Thanks everyone for hearing me. God bless

You can claim benefits under the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA). Start with this USCIS advice.

The number for the National Hotline is included on the USCIS page, and you can contact the operators who answer the phone at that center for guidance on finding legal and other assistance while you get your live back together. Do not be shamed, you are not alone. There is a procedure in place for this kind of problem. It is sometimes abused, but it is there for the thousands of men and women who find themselves abused each year.

You defending your husband is common and expected. While it deprives you of some evidence you could have used in your petition for greencard, it is perfectly normal behavior and nothing you should feel shamed about.

The adventure continues
Fritz

May you find what you want in life,
know it when you see it and
have the good luck to get it
... and keep it!!!


#3 ruth_dee

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Posted 04 December 2010 - 06:59 PM

Thanks Fritz, God bless you. I will try to do that.

#4 piglett

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 07:15 AM

best of luck Ruth, i really hope everything works out for you.



piglett

#5 ruth_dee

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 04:28 PM

Thanks piglett, I hope soo too. God bless

#6 James in Austin Tx

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Posted 05 December 2010 - 04:51 PM

My oh my - wish we still had the baseball bat behind the barn lessons of life for a guy like this.. I just shake my head in disbelief, its sad.. These guys spend all this time and money to get the fiances here then turn bad on them... Sorry ruth - hope all gets better fast

#7 ruth_dee

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Posted 16 December 2010 - 09:23 PM

Hi, thanks.... Yeah that's confusing too, why does he have to spend a lot of money and time to bring me here when in fact he knows that he cant treat me right? Maybe he thought i'm just a stupid filipina martyr? I guess that doesn't exist anymore.

And yes I hope everything will get better soon, I just start collecting proof and evidences so I can send an application to the immigration that I'm an abuse wife, hope it works. I could've tie him up when his asleep and call the cops or just hit him with his beer bottles huh? Lol



#8 Fritz

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Posted 16 December 2010 - 09:39 PM

QUOTE (ruth_dee @ Dec 16 2010, 01:23 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi, thanks.... Yeah that's confusing too, why does he have to spend a lot of money and time to bring me here when in fact he knows that he cant treat me right? Maybe he thought i'm just a stupid filipina martyr? I guess that doesn't exist anymore.

And yes I hope everything will get better soon, I just start collecting proof and evidences so I can send an application to the immigration that I'm an abuse wife, hope it works. I could've tie him up when his asleep and call the cops or just hit him with his beer bottles huh? Lol

Just make sure to report any further attacks that may happen & get any injuries properly recorded. Retaliating by attacking him will just hurt you. Given the way the American justice system works, you will be doing a lot more damage by staying calm and reporting every attack. If you think you are in any danger or a cop or social worker thinks you might be in danger, get away. There are domestic violence shelters scattered all over the country where you can stay while you get your life back together.

Take any advice you get from a police officer or social worker seriously. They need to be careful of what they say, but they see this kind of situation way too often.

The adventure continues
Fritz

May you find what you want in life,
know it when you see it and
have the good luck to get it
... and keep it!!!


#9 ruth_dee

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Posted 17 December 2010 - 10:50 PM

Thanks fritz, I'm far from him now, he can't attack me anymore. And also I've spoken to a lawyer and she told me all the things to do in order to stay here. Im gathering information about us and everything that happened so I can send it to the immigration. Hope they will approved me.

Godbless

#10 Fritz

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Posted 17 December 2010 - 10:51 PM

QUOTE (ruth_dee @ Dec 17 2010, 02:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Thanks fritz, I'm far from him now, he can't attack me anymore. And also I've spoken to a lawyer and she told me all the things to do in order to stay here. Im gathering information about us and everything that happened so I can send it to the immigration. Hope they will approved me.

Godbless

Best of luck ... keep us posted on the outcome smile.gif

God Bless
Fritz

May you find what you want in life,
know it when you see it and
have the good luck to get it
... and keep it!!!


#11 ruth_dee

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Posted 17 December 2010 - 10:52 PM

Hi Fritz, I saw your location...you said from Dalaguete Cebu? Cool, Im from there too, Im from Balud, Dalaguete Cebu smile.gif Maybe I know your parents. Nice to meet you.

#12 Fritz

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Posted 17 December 2010 - 11:01 PM

QUOTE (ruth_dee @ Dec 17 2010, 02:52 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hi Fritz, I saw your location...you said from Dalaguete Cebu? Cool, Im from there too, Im from Balud, Dalaguete Cebu smile.gif Maybe I know your parents. Nice to meet you.

I am an American Air Force Brat who grew up in France, Maine and UK, now settled in Eastern Washington.

Original GF who turned out to be one of the badduns was from Argao, right on the Dalaguete town line and lived just over the boundary in Dalaguete. Now keeping in touch with someone in Manila who is also originally from Argao. Actually a referral from her sis in law who is sister of first one ... hopefully things work out better this round.

I should update the profile info someday, but I would like someday to settle down to a quiet provincial life in the Argao/Dalaguete area smile.gif


May you find what you want in life,
know it when you see it and
have the good luck to get it
... and keep it!!!


#13 ruth_dee

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Posted 18 December 2010 - 01:53 AM

I see... Well, Goodluck to you too! Hope this time it works laugh.gif Yeah its nice and quite there, and close to the beach too. And yeah, I'll keep posting my updates, I hope I can send the application after Christmas.

Have a great day!

#14 godroots78

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Posted 15 June 2011 - 08:20 AM

We are same story and same years happening. Anyway, before u left tell the police of what he did for you sothat they can make a police report for you. Then, i dont we are new comer they abuse us. I advice you to a free lawyer in San Francisco a API legal outreach and Filipino Advocacy.
try to call them. Stay in the shelter.

#15 ruth_dee

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 01:41 AM

Hi everyone!!! I just logged back in today! And finally, my lawyer sent my 1-360 and I-485 application to get a permanent resident card. I hope there will be no problem, I'm not sure if my evidences was enough. I'm waiting the receipt from the immigration. Hoping that everything will run smoothly and they wont ask anymore papers. Im excited to get a working permit so I can get a job, get a divorce and move on with my life!!! :) I need to pay all the people who helped me. Best wishes to everyone!!!

#16 Fritz

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 03:02 AM

Hi everyone!!! I just logged back in today! And finally, my lawyer sent my 1-360 and I-485 application to get a permanent resident card. I hope there will be no problem, I'm not sure if my evidences was enough. I'm waiting the receipt from the immigration. Hoping that everything will run smoothly and they wont ask anymore papers. Im excited to get a working permit so I can get a job, get a divorce and move on with my life!!! :) I need to pay all the people who helped me. Best wishes to everyone!!!

I'm glad to hear that things seem to be going well for you.

Best Wishes & God Bless
Fritz

May you find what you want in life,
know it when you see it and
have the good luck to get it
... and keep it!!!


#17 John C

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 04:25 AM

Hi everyone!!! I just logged back in today! And finally, my lawyer sent my 1-360 and I-485 application to get a permanent resident card. I hope there will be no problem, I'm not sure if my evidences was enough. I'm waiting the receipt from the immigration. Hoping that everything will run smoothly and they wont ask anymore papers. Im excited to get a working permit so I can get a job, get a divorce and move on with my life!!! :) I need to pay all the people who helped me. Best wishes to everyone!!!



I don't understand why USCIS allows women to stay here after the reason they were allowed to come in the first place turns out to be unworkable. Not saying it's your fault that your hubby turned out to be different than you expected just that when it falls apart that fast, your home is still the Phils. When you fight to stay at that point, it sheds doubt on the entire process. Or at least it should. Well I guess the lawyers know better than I do. Welcome to the land of milk and honey.

JC





#18 James in Austin Tx

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 11:01 AM

Personally after having the pinay travel thousands of miles on a trip she most likely has never done before, leave all she knows and loved behind, and I am sure hopes of a better life, only to come here and have this happen with her fiance/husband... I say let them stay. Yes some came for reasons greater than marriage but it is no worse than things done by illegals coming from our southern borders in order to stay here otr have family stay.. My worthless thoughts as usual. PS - Yes I know we only see 1 side of the story but it is taken at face value unless otherwise proven different.


I don't understand why USCIS allows women to stay here after the reason they were allowed to come in the first place turns out to be unworkable. Not saying it's your fault that your hubby turned out to be different than you expected just that when it falls apart that fast, your home is still the Phils. When you fight to stay at that point, it sheds doubt on the entire process. Or at least it should. Well I guess the lawyers know better than I do. Welcome to the land of milk and honey.

JC



#19 MrkGrismer

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 12:27 PM

I don't understand why USCIS allows women to stay here after the reason they were allowed to come in the first place turns out to be unworkable. Not saying it's your fault that your hubby turned out to be different than you expected just that when it falls apart that fast, your home is still the Phils. When you fight to stay at that point, it sheds doubt on the entire process. Or at least it should. Well I guess the lawyers know better than I do. Welcome to the land of milk and honey.


It depends, in some cases the woman (or man) leaves behind almost nobody (or almost nobody of importance) and actually makes many friends in the U.S., their new life is in the U.S. and they don't really have anything to 'return to' in their original country. It would seem mean-spirited to kick somebody out just because they didn't realize their spouse was a jack-o-wagon before they married him (or her).

Some people do decide to return to the Philippines when a marriage doesn't work out, but we don't really hear about those ones here, since they don't need our help unless maybe they are looking for a good price on the airline ticket.

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http://www.uscis.gov...0004718190aRCRD
 

Medical Exams – A caller explained that the civil surgeon who completed the medical exam used the wrong form and then wanted to charge an indigent refugee to reprocess the paperwork on the correct form. What recourse does an applicant have if this occurs?

USCIS Response: Customers should notify the Director of their local office when they have a complaint about a civil surgeon.


#20 Thetimewillcome

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Posted 22 September 2011 - 02:02 PM

I'd be much more concerned about people who come over and stay without any interview or process followed at all. But hey, maybe that's just me.

October 2010- Met online
October 28, 2010-Officially a couple
Feb 26, 2011- Met at NAIA
Feb 28, 2011- Proposed in Bali
Sept 1, 2011- Second trip to the Philippines
Feb 11, 2012- Third trip to the Philippines
July 9, 2012- Final divorce judgement
Aug 10, 2012- Sent I-129F
Aug 14 2012- NOA 1

April 19 2013-NOA 2
Aug 5 Sputum negative, finished medical

Aug 7 Embassy interview passed

Aug 31 Visa delivered.

 

The US government agencies that process visa applications suck stinky a$$.


‎"A wise man should consider health is the greatest blessing, and learn how by his own thought to derive benefit from his illnesses" -Hippocrates





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