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#1 Martin D

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Posted 05 January 2014 - 06:26 PM

Hi everyone.  I am a little frustrated by a few things that has been going on with my wife and I, and I am hoping that by writing about them, maybe I will feel better about things.  I married my wife in August 2012 in Tagum City on Mindanao.  The plan is, for my wife to move to Canada with the kids, and live here for a few years, while we save up money, and in a few years, we move back to the Philippines, and live the rest of our lives in a tropical paradise...with no more cold winter.


I realized early on, that we were going to have an issue with her children, as far as immigration goes.  Neither has a father around, and since we need a fathers permission to bring them to Canada, this would be an issue.  So I suggested that she go through the courts, and obtain sole custody.  With sole custody, the Canadian Government would be satisfied that we would not need a fathers permission...one that would be impossible for us to get.  But here is where the frustrations started.  Jonna dragged her feet.  Time was passing, and it felt like the more often I brought it up, the more frustrated with me she became.  Finally, after more than a year of marriage, she found a lawyer, and started the proceedings.


My plan is, to apply for the immigration, and by the time they get to processing her application, we will have the sole custody in place.  So when the embassy tells her that this will be required, she will be able to produce the court documents.  Over a year ago, she had told me of a spelling mistake on her birth certificate as well.  I had told her that she should get this fixed as soon as possible, so we could get her passport, But, like the issue of sole custody, this too wasn't done.  Recently, she decided to finally start, and has discovered that this is going to be a timely process.  Because her father wasn't registered at birth, to fix her certificate requires that her father get a birth certificate first.  This ivolves a plane ride to somewhere, and I am sure it will add untold months to an already stupidly long process. 


So in over a year of being married, we have a court case started for sole custody, and nothing else.  At best, I am hopeful that we will be together in 2 years.  That's assuming that she gets moving now on this birth certificate.  Has anyone else had frustrations in preparing documents for immigration?  She feels bad that she dragged her feet, and is regretting that all this time passed.  She wants us to be together, and is upset when I tell her to expect another 2 years.  I am very frustrated.

#2 Fritz


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Posted 06 January 2014 - 03:56 PM

You will get used to it :P

It seems to be a Filipino cultural trait to wait until things are causing problems before making corrections. Not universal, just more common. Embodied in the attitude of Bathala na (It's up to you God)

Keep moving ahead. Identify potential problems and be a little pushy about getting them corrected. Be polite, but insist on getting the problems corrected & expect her to drag her feet even as she complains about delay. One of the really difficult parts of being married is that none of us are perfect.

Keep on truckin'

May you find what you want in life,
know it when you see it and
have the good luck to get it
... and keep it!!!


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Posted 06 January 2014 - 04:48 PM


We love to complain how our bureaucracy drags it feet, but the RP's is much worse. I have had an application to get a reiporical license, which has been in process for 10 months. There was numerous forms to fill out, with conflicting instructions (2 photos, 3 photos, or 4 photos) No doubt, if one had to deal with this throughout one's life, one would procrastinate.

Fritz is right about the Filipino not wanting to rock the boat and wait. See it with my wife, when unpleasant or ardous tasks are involved, especially when it involves the government. Just keep after her about the progress.

Stay warm.

#4 Martin D

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Posted 07 January 2014 - 02:16 AM

I think what really gets to me, is when I see very little action...and when she hits a snag when she finally does start, out of frustration, she says "this makes me so tired". And, equally frustrated, and not usually knowing when to keep my mouth shut (a severe case of foot in mouth disease), I say tired of what? You haven't done anything yet. Lord, patawad.

#5 saccharine

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Posted 07 January 2014 - 07:22 PM

 Had that severe case of " foot and mouth" diesease  happen in person, surely there will be a "Tampo" situation by now.  Anyway, there are some people that are scared or lost if they dont know how to proceeed on a specific task after they hit a snag,  They might need help from others who are familiar with such work to guide them as to what's the next move they should do. Maybe your wife needs this kind of help and she can enlist some help from her friends or relatives ,who knows an effecient procedure to do the task .  Sufficient funding will also help , if in some way she needs the assistance of somebody ( a relative or friend) a "thank you " (  in  pesos terms  ) will be greatly appreciated...

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