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#21 W. Thomas

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 12:22 AM

Wow folks, Thanks so much for the replies... You all have provided wonderful insights to the situation for me.

I will tell you she missed a meeting again Thursday AM local, and then this morning I got a call on my way home explaining why she did not call yesterday and that the power was out again today, so we would not be on again.

That is really all i have been seeking. After that call all the tension drained away and I was at peace... it took about 3 minutes :) Did I like not being able to talk to her much this week... NO but I understand and there is no problem because I know there are tons of things we cannot control... but THIS time she let me KNOW what was going on... ALL the difference in the world.

Thanks for the information on the loads... Do I order the load and just have it applied to her phone or do I have to send her a card etc... ?

As far as internet goes, I was planning on installing it for her at her home, but she is only there for one week. She got the job she was seeking in Zamboanga and will be returning there next week after getting her mother settled back in and repairing some things around the house. If she does decide to go back to Jiminez, internet installation would be a requirement... Hate thinking of her going to the cafe at night... One of the reasons we have talked so little this week, when we do talk I kick her off early, so she can get home while it is still light out.

Thanks again folks... You have all been very helpful!

Bill

#22 Mr. Lee

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 12:49 AM

Thanks for the information on the loads... Do I order the load and just have it applied to her phone or do I have to send her a card etc... ?

Bill


When buying load online just give them the phone number and they will send the load. Be sure to get the right load, Smart, Globe etc, and when giving them the phone number it cannot hurt to mention Philippines or take off the 0 at the beginning of her number and replace it with 63 so there will be no mistake what country the load is for.

I had bought load a bunch of times in the past from ebay when we did not have enough load and an emergency came about, or when my wife mistakenly went below the p100 needed to load while roaming in the US, we have also given family load that way. As I said the only problem is like anything of value, her friends and family will probably ask her to share the load, so just be sure to ask her to please text you when she gets the load, so you know she got it, and also ask her to please not share too much of the load if at all possible.

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#23 James in Austin Tx

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 01:17 AM

I use this for our Smarton roam here and should work there as well
http://loadpadala.net/



When buying load online just give them the phone number and they will send the load. Be sure to get the right load, Smart, Globe etc, and when giving them the phone number it cannot hurt to mention Philippines or take off the 0 at the beginning of her number and replace it with 63 so there will be no mistake what country the load is for.

I had bought load a bunch of times in the past from ebay when we did not have enough load and an emergency came about, or when my wife mistakenly went below the p100 needed to load while roaming in the US, we have also given family load that way. As I said the only problem is like anything of value, her friends and family will probably ask her to share the load, so just be sure to ask her to please text you when she gets the load, so you know she got it, and also ask her to please not share too much of the load if at all possible.



#24 asianstreak

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 03:15 AM

A woman that is inlove with his man will do anything for him.Rain or shine...brown outs is not an excuse,electricity will come back no matter what time if she is interested she will find ways to call.She can buy herselt a PLDT teletipid for 350 pesos and called you.

When I was communicating with my husband nothing could stop me from seeing him online.Everyday I waited for him 5 to 6 hours rain or shine,brown out or not ...I never failed or never miss a day.

Something is shady there.Ladies like that is a HUGE RED FLAG....just saying...:lol: Dont get fooled by those good talks and good charm even in video chat,youll never know whose beside them or are they really a female or a she-male :D

#25 John C

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 03:39 AM

Wow folks, Thanks so much for the replies... You all have provided wonderful insights to the situation for me.

I will tell you she missed a meeting again Thursday AM local, and then this morning I got a call on my way home explaining why she did not call yesterday and that the power was out again today, so we would not be on again.

That is really all i have been seeking. After that call all the tension drained away and I was at peace... it took about 3 minutes :) Did I like not being able to talk to her much this week... NO but I understand and there is no problem because I know there are tons of things we cannot control... but THIS time she let me KNOW what was going on... ALL the difference in the world.

Thanks for the information on the loads... Do I order the load and just have it applied to her phone or do I have to send her a card etc... ?

As far as internet goes, I was planning on installing it for her at her home, but she is only there for one week. She got the job she was seeking in Zamboanga and will be returning there next week after getting her mother settled back in and repairing some things around the house. If she does decide to go back to Jiminez, internet installation would be a requirement... Hate thinking of her going to the cafe at night... One of the reasons we have talked so little this week, when we do talk I kick her off early, so she can get home while it is still light out.

Thanks again folks... You have all been very helpful!

Bill



Never send money and never install internet until you have visited her in person. It's tempting because we can afford it but it's just a really bad idea. If she's in to you she will find a way to keep in touch and make you feel ok about it all. My 2 cents worth.





#26 W. Thomas

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 05:07 AM

Never send money and never install internet until you have visited her in person. It's tempting because we can afford it but it's just a really bad idea. If she's in to you she will find a way to keep in touch and make you feel ok about it all. My 2 cents worth.


Hrrm.. thanks for the insight. Will keep that in mind... I was thinking if I was the reason for the extra expense, then I would not mind covering that... But I will keep this filed away.

Bill

#27 asianstreak

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 01:34 PM

I have a neighbor in Argao she had a chat mate and the man sent her 20,k to install internet.During those time of 2005 it was really a huge money and only rich people could afford to install an internet in their house.So she became famous in town.But inside us we want to gag about her situation.She is married but according to her its okey for her husband to chat and strip in the cam.Anyway its only in the cam...and after that money will flood every month.But I guess the guilt finally hit her and now she behave.Well bec.her mom is in the USA now,her sister whose been here for so many years petitioned her mom so the mother is now supporting that girl.But my point is ..now a days everywhere you go there is always a scam.

Edited by asianstreak, 21 April 2012 - 01:34 PM.


#28 nite_guy

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 01:51 PM

Hrrm.. thanks for the insight. Will keep that in mind... I was thinking if I was the reason for the extra expense, then I would not mind covering that... But I will keep this filed away.

Bill


I installed internet at a few places for my now wife. One was globe with some type of radio signal. Took a special modem and antenna. Worked good for a few months then got horrible. Next was PLDT DSL, which worked very well, although it never got the speeds they claimed it would. Then these USB plug in devices that worked over cell came out. She had moved again so we went that way. It worked ok in one place she lived. Hasn't worked so well in other places since. Finally she moved back near her mother's home in Mintal Davao City. The usb device is the only thing available there. It works horrible to. At best you get marginal connectivity. We got very used to having to restart our chats to get video or audio working again. I guess I'm bringing this up to point out, putting in internet does not mean you'll get internet. It might take multiple tries with different providers until you find one that actually works where she lives. Heck you might never find one that works good where she lives. And don't try getting a refund or even out of contract if some service doesn't work there. It appears contracts work only one way, service need not be rendered but payment must still be made.

#29 melody

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 01:52 PM

I have some facts and some online dating for ya my friend.

1) Never send money to someone who you never met in person for any reason, (lots of scammers out there). most online dating sites have that rule.



I wonder why most men fail to avoid this happen before meeting in person a pinay.. I have observed it's a weakness that usually be repeated.. :blink:

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#30 James in Austin Tx

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 03:35 PM

Guess i was lucky my wife was selling things to stay afloat, in caregiver school, and her ex's parents had her kids - I had to help and would again.. But who knows, could have been a scam but glad I could help her stabilize things..



I wonder why most men fail to avoid this happen before meeting in person a pinay.. I have observed it's a weakness that usually be repeated.. :blink:



#31 asianstreak

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 09:58 PM

I wonder why most men fail to avoid this happen before meeting in person a pinay.. I have observed it's a weakness that usually be repeated.. :blink:



I dont know too Melody probably most american people are kind and very good at giving alms or giving help to somebody.Why do you think a lot of lazy people here dont like to get a real job bec. the government are helping them to live .And if not well then they will get a box and write "25Cent will help" and will hold the sign on the side of the road.
I guess its part of the culture if that is the proper word to say :rolleyes: .Just the same as US filipinos it is already a culture to us helping our family back home when we filipinos are shedding sweat and blood of every penny we earned here in abroad just to help our family.

#32 Keith Johnson

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 10:15 PM

Also try loading with ARYTY.com . I used this for years. :)

#33 W. Thomas

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Posted 21 April 2012 - 11:36 PM

Thanks again folks,

I think one of the reasons people give money is because of the relative value. We are used to giving to others, as part of our culture and $100 to us is not nearly what $100 will be to someone in the Philippines. I think one of the reasons that Filipinas seek a foreign husband is we have a softer heart... with that can come other, less desirable traits.

Also, I was seeing the gift I gave her as just that... a gift, and a way to facilitate our communication. Of course I have always been of the mind, if you cannot afford to lose what you give do not give it. Sure it lets me get taken advantage of, but in one sense, I would rather lose $50 to a scammer then to marry her and have her leave me in 5 years.

But regardless, I certainly appreciate all the comments folks... thanks again.

Bill

#34 Gregg

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 12:10 AM

Hrrm.. thanks for the insight. Will keep that in mind... I was thinking if I was the reason for the extra expense, then I would not mind covering that... But I will keep this filed away.

Bill


While the "Don't ever send money until you have met in person" advice is well intended, I don't agree with it. I was in a similar situation as you find yourself Bill. I wanted more and more reliable communication and it was going to be few more months before my 1st visit. I thought a small remittance from time to time to insure that she could afford load and internet time, was money well spent.

My 2 cents is, consider any money you send before meeting in person to be an investment with no guarantees. In your case, if you sent her $25 and as a result you had a month of reliable communication, I think it would soothe your soul. If on the other hand if after sending the $25, she still seemed a bit evasive an didn't at least text you at the scheduled chat time. Then at least IMO it would raise a big red flag.

Either way it's money well spent.
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#35 Mr. Lee

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 01:14 AM

To me guys, the most important thing to understand is that what MAY be small amounts for us can be huge amounts for someone who is living in more or less poverty, so always remember that you may be setting the pace for the rest of your life with what you send to your lady.

I used to send only $1 for postage to ladies I was writing to but did send to my future wife $5, $10 and a few times $20 in a folded return self addressed air mail envelops inside with my letter and all got there. One time I sent money in a birthday card and it did not get there because postal workers know cards often have money in them. (That money was for her father who was sick and eventually died)

So guys my point is, and I am not at all picking on Bill for sending what he sent, but when a lady receives say $100 and she and/or her family members makes a few dollars a day, she no doubt tells her parents and friends just how kind you are and how rich you must be to afford to give away such a huge amount to a stranger, yes IMO she is a stranger up until the time you actually meet in person and make plans for her to become your family. I have had friends who had done the same thing and then could not understand and got mad when the family demands for money kept coming in before and after marriage via emergency this and emergency that.

Also one thing to consider is that we do not wish to buy our future partners affection or be seen as doing that. How would we feel if we went out with a woman much richer than us and she always gave us money and bought us gifts we could never afford to buy ourselves.

Guys I too was way too generous after my marriage and I have paid for it all the years of our marriage, by getting so many emergency demands from many of our nieces and nephews who see me as oh so very rich because I was able to afford to give the piso equivalent of $100 to $400 to each of my wife's brothers and sisters upon our visits to them, right after we were married. I actually got sucked in one year when I gave $200 worth of pisos to everyone and her older brother demanded for me to buy a water buffalo for him and I told him I could not afford it so maybe next year. So the next year we brought $400 for him but also for each and every other brother and sister because I feel what we give one we give equally to all, that way no one can say we had been unfair with them and hold it against my wife, well that started my problems and they only got worse from there on out, until I retired and had to put my foot down, and now my heart aches whenever we have to say no to a supposed emergency because I never know if I had done wrong in doing so. Any supposed emergency we cannot call up and check on with a doctor or hospital or does not come from a totally trusted family member, then we do not usually give for. I am not cheap but my wife parents had passed on long ago and she has literally hundreds of nieces and nephews since she is one of 13 and most have a dozen or more children and nowadays the nieces and nephews have many children too, so her family is huge, way too huge for me to always say OK or I would have to be on the street corner with a cup asking for money myself. Posted Image

One thing I always say to my wife is that what would they have done if she had never married me, where would they have gotten the money then. I never wish anyone to die or suffer and will find the money for those emergencies but so many supposed emergencies are total bs. One niece text emergency emergency emergency and when my wife called she asked for money to pay off her sister because her own sister was charging her 20% a month for a loan and she did not have the vig. Posted Image

We now only give money for medical emergencies we can check up on, and we still give food yearly as well as bring and send lots of clothing and other items we know they can use such as Tylenol, reading glasses, sun glasses (both bought at the dollar stores), containers for food storage which often come with items we buy and use during our daily life such as Fiber etc, so basically free to us and instead of recycling them, we bring or send them full of other used clothing items. No space goes unused in BB boxes. Posted Image

Think long and hard before sending large amounts of money to people who you have never met, unless you are prepared to keep up the pace the rest of your lives together. All this is just my humble opinion and from personal experience and not meant to offend anyone who does not agree with me or who has sent large amounts of money.

Edited by Mr. Lee, 22 April 2012 - 07:44 PM.
edit to add

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#36 zzzlpr

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 02:17 PM

IMHO, sending little money for load or internet cafe is OK after a BIG while, but installing internet at someone's house before face to face time can open a big pandora's box.

Either you like it or not, you are someone on a screen, not 100% real.
So, who's naive enough to think that the internet use will be exclusive for talking with you.
The opportunity to play the field just increases tremendously.
Yes, she could do the same at the cafe, but not as easy as any time of the day at not cost.

My advice is keep it low key as much as possible and invest in tickets, i.e., if you feel like she is what you want, get into a plane.

Wishing the best,

Carlos.
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#37 melody

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 06:51 PM

Why must man focus his attention,effort and spend money for only one pinay whom he never yet met in person? Guys there are many pinay ladies out there to choose from…put in the list.

I believe and I have observed no matter how poor the economic situation of a Filipina woman ,she can have some coins to spend chatting in internet café with a foreign ..Many teenagers do chats in the Phil. for fun …And wondering why a Filipina lady who wish to marry a foreign man can't do that? :blink:

When I started mailing letters with hubby years back (not only to hubby), never he sent me money for mailing nor I asked him to send me some amounts for the expenses. From my poor school allowance I learned to save and have always my extra coins to send him and other men some letters. I agree that men should look for us but we ladies should let them feel they are desired and appreciated not because they send money to install internet…A generousity is appreciable but too generous is not advisable.

If I were a man..never I send money to woman before meeting her in person and before knowing what her real intentions are. It would be a waste of my time more than money ..after then I realize she is not meant for me. I prefer first a face to face conversation. And If were such pinay on LDR never I give my trust to a man who can afford to send me some amounts but never comes in the Phil. to visit me and waiting that I will be the one to follow him in the USA..NO WAY!

If one spend money for generousity we can't expect back guarantees but let it be well spent for a person whose affection and concerns are for you! So I agree with Mr. Lee, "Think long and hard before sending large amounts of money to people who you have never met, unless you are prepared to keep up the pace the rest of your lives together."

Edited by melody, 22 April 2012 - 06:54 PM.

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#38 MrkGrismer

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 02:15 PM

Keep in mind that any amount you send on a regular basis is something you are probably committing to sending on that regular basis forever.

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