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#1 melody

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Posted 04 April 2014 - 04:43 PM

Non-stop financial demand…this seems to be a never ending story with our family in Pinas and it’s all around issue among Filipino people working,married to and living abroad.

 

Facing the fact,some of us can satisfy our own basic needs having more comodities for a living than in Pinas and mostly can provide more financial assistant to our family there but we can’t deny that we hardly making money here while our families are only waiting and asking everyday more. Who’s faulty and who’s to blame?

 

I create this thread coz something really bothers my whole being in these days. Lately i found out that my sincerity is not enough to make my family in Pinas understand certain things in life while they witness the image of other Filipino families having someone sending them money with such luxury of living on the bed of roses ( sad to say,some are just to show-off, boasting but the fridge is empty). :P

 

Allow me to murmur here my situation guys. I said it here that I’m planning to travel back Pinas after some years of busy-crazy life. My experiences taught me to prepare ahead of time the possible expenses…where the money should be spent,how to spend wisely and what to spend. My parents can emagine that I am fortunate to have a husband who has a stable economic situation & auto-sufficient enough without depending from others but this doesn’t mean that I and hubby can just pick-up a magic stick & pluff here comes the money. Never I give to my family the idea that we are making money instantly nor we are the bank-owner. Everything you have & you want in this world has its price!

 

The problems is….my brother wish to marry & about 2 years he says it to me but he prefers to wait for my return in Pinas. Last year he told me that he already took a decision to marry without my presence,so my family asked financial assistant. I knelt like a beggar infront of my husband asking for mercy and piece of bread. About two weeks,after I sent the additional amount to my parents, mom informed me that brother changed mind.it was just to see if I can really help him for such matter. Without any complain….just recommended them to keep the money and they assured me to stay tranquil. A week ago,I received a message from them written in a jokingly manner that for bros wedding,they suppose to ask me $100.000. I didn’t give any importance to it. Now they let me understand that the wedding should be prior to my arrival because “ Here Comes The Bride,3 Months Inside”.  :lol:  So my family is asking again additional money reasoning out that the amount I gave before is not enough. This time my answer is NEGATIVE, no additional amount I can give and I can’t really give. I can’t grant what they wish nor shoulder all their extra expenses. It’s a year that I don’t buy new clothes just to save money for them when I will be back (don’t share to them my plans) and you know there are many waiting for me.

 

Guys , i know how poor the Phil. life and I know that the cost of living there increase but I’m not exactly aware of how much pesos needed to have just a decent and simple wedding. If you could me any idea…I have an idea to fire them back too..hahaaa. Let me think that there will 100 persons invited plus those unexpected visitors coming. If the party is held in the restaurant and at home…the possible amount to spend is???

 

I makes me hurt to say NO to my brother but I want to teach him not to depend on me everytime and I want him to learn that if one makes a decision or plan in the future,he/she should take a sit and calculate first the possible expenses, the possible outcomes and save money for rainy days. I also warn him always that once he has kids,I’m not responsible for their material needs.

 

This continue demands huh…..unresolvable one!

 

 


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#2 rbacon

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Posted 04 April 2014 - 04:55 PM

Non-stop financial demand…this seems to be a never ending story with our family in Pinas and it’s all around issue among Filipino people working,married to and living abroad.

 

Facing the fact,some of us can satisfy our own basic needs having more comodities for a living than in Pinas and mostly can provide more financial assistant to our family there but we can’t deny that we hardly making money here while our families are only waiting and asking everyday more. Who’s faulty and who’s to blame?

 

I create this thread coz something really bothers my whole being in these days. Lately i found out that my sincerity is not enough to make my family in Pinas understand certain things in life while they witness the image of other Filipino families having someone sending them money with such luxury of living on the bed of roses ( sad to say,some are just to show-off, boasting but the fridge is empty). :P

 

Allow me to murmur here my situation guys. I said it here that I’m planning to travel back Pinas after some years of busy-crazy life. My experiences taught me to prepare ahead of time the possible expenses…where the money should be spent,how to spend wisely and what to spend. My parents can emagine that I am fortunate to have a husband who has a stable economic situation & auto-sufficient enough without depending from others but this doesn’t mean that I and hubby can just pick-up a magic stick & pluff here comes the money. Never I give to my family the idea that we are making money instantly nor we are the bank-owner. Everything you have & you want in this world has its price!

 

The problems is….my brother wish to marry & about 2 years he says it to me but he prefers to wait for my return in Pinas. Last year he told me that he already took a decision to marry without my presence,so my family asked financial assistant. I knelt like a beggar infront of my husband asking for mercy and piece of bread. About two weeks,after I sent the additional amount to my parents, mom informed me that brother changed mind.it was just to see if I can really help him for such matter. Without any complain….just recommended them to keep the money and they assured me to stay tranquil. A week ago,I received a message from them written in a jokingly manner that for bros wedding,they suppose to ask me $100.000. I didn’t give any importance to it. Now they let me understand that the wedding should be prior to my arrival because “ Here Comes The Bride,3 Months Inside”.  :lol:  So my family is asking again additional money reasoning out that the amount I gave before is not enough. This time my answer is NEGATIVE, no additional amount I can give and I can’t really give. I can’t grant what they wish nor shoulder all their extra expenses. It’s a year that I don’t buy new clothes just to save money for them when I will be back (don’t share to them my plans) and you know there are many waiting for me.

 

Guys , i know how poor the Phil. life and I know that the cost of living there increase but I’m not exactly aware of how much pesos needed to have just a decent and simple wedding. If you could me any idea…I have an idea to fire them back too..hahaaa. Let me think that there will 100 persons invited plus those unexpected visitors coming. If the party is held in the restaurant and at home…the possible amount to spend is???

 

I makes me hurt to say NO to my brother but I want to teach him not to depend on me everytime and I want him to learn that if one makes a decision or plan in the future,he/she should take a sit and calculate first the possible expenses, the possible outcomes and save money for rainy days. I also warn him always that once he has kids,I’m not responsible for their material needs.

 

This continue demands huh…..unresolvable one!

 

 

You quoted $100.000

Can you clarify how much is being asked of you?  Is it $100, $1,000 or $100,000?

 

--Ray B



#3 Fritz

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Posted 04 April 2014 - 06:41 PM

Our costs were (approximate)
All amounts Phil Peso.
18,000 for video, caterer and invitations (package deal)
15,000 for Chef, food & coke
8,000 for makeup
7,500 for venue and overnight stay in cottage
3,500 for cake
5,000 for wedding dress, barong & 4 dresses for wedding party
10,000 for miscellaneous expenses including renting a car for trip to city
15,000 for 3 pigs (we cut this cost to approx 10,000 by buying piglets for 2000 each and feeding them for 6 months :) )
5,000 for a live band

P100,000 is expensive, but it will be a fancy wedding if they budget carefully. We spent a lot of time running around doing our own shopping, but we managed to get it done in under 3 weeks. Not within the official budget, but there was a little left of the real budget afterward :) That is the most important part of budgeting in Phils in my experience. Have 2 budgets, a low official budget and a larger actual budget as I can guarantee that someone will try to break the bank with their spending...after all they have a rich relative to cover the shortfall :P

I hope you don't have too many more unmarried siblings as the others will expect rich sister/aunt to pay when the time comes :D

They can cut the costs if they are willing to go with a civil wedding and just have a party at the house afterward.

The adventure continues
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#4 saccharine

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Posted 04 April 2014 - 07:10 PM

really Melody? 100,000 pesos ( I think is what you mean)  for a wedding ?  and he is asking for more?  wow! that's big of him to demand such amount and wanted more, and because you gave in during the time he ask that help/demand  he can manipulate you again for giving in the second time, or perhaps the money you sent was already spent and thats why he is asking for more. And anyway its his wedding and why are you incharge of the entire expenses? . . For me that amount is  sufficient enough for more than a simple wedding. Factor in these things into what you think a decent and  simple wedding, Church wedding with the whole entourage, church wedding ( mass wedding which is cheaper) , a simple church wedding sort of on your own thng , no need for flower girls or ring bearer, just a few adults for ninangs and ninongs and the cord or veil, or civil wedding in a reception area where you only need to decorate once ( compared to church and reception area decorated separately) or just plain civil wedding and have reception at home. If you cant afford to feed 100 guest or more then dont invite a lot, but if youre reasoning is that because its the culture or its expected from your family and dont wanna offend/hurt  them then its up to you . I know a couple of whom can very much afford a fancy wedding but instead  they rented a reception area, decorated it, with sort of altar or stage where the judge can marry them and  cater the food for over a hundred people, with a lot of left overs afterwards, but only spent a fraction of that 100,000pesos. granted it happened a few years ago, but bottoline is dont be a show off when you cannot afford it.. And seriously, why are you spending too much on a wedding when theres more important expenses coming the couples way, like when the baby comes, or  they can simply ask  or demand from you again. And yes it will be nonstop demand until you seriously mean "NO" . Time to show "tough love" to the family.



#5 Martin D

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 03:03 PM

Here was the costs of our wedding.

http://www.theworldo...showtopic=25396

#6 Mr. Lee

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Posted 05 April 2014 - 09:13 PM

Melody, my heart goes out to you and to all who get the incessant demands for money. It is such a shame that some families take advantage by putting so much pressure on some of you, which can sometimes affect our marriages. I hope you stick to your refusal or you may be faced with the rest of your life of requests. I know that our home phone used to continually ring in the middle of the night with reverse charged phone calls from nieces and nephews asking for money until we put a stop to it by shutting the phone off at night. I finally had to have my wife ask her brothers and sisters to tell everyone "what they would have done had she never married me." I never mind giving in real emergencies but it always amazed me how many fake emergencies they could manage to think up. :( 

 

Hope you get it all worked out and do not let it get to you, you are not alone in these things happening. 


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#7 JLW36

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Posted 06 April 2014 - 04:45 AM

Melody, I hope that your brother have had a decent job to raise a family. Glad that nobody is bothering me in my family. But to tell you honestly I won't tolerate my brother or family about this kind of wedding that they want. Specially if you also depend on your husband and not working to have your own hard earned money to send to them. Tell your brother to have a wedding according to what he can afford for and not what your husband can afford to send. He should be somewhat be ashamed of himself.

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#8 melody

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Posted 06 April 2014 - 10:13 AM

You quoted $100.000

Can you clarify how much is being asked of you?  Is it $100, $1,000 or $100,000?

 

--Ray B

 

You made awake,so I decided to take a look to family’s previous email. Forgot that I deleted it like the other older emails I received. As I said..i didn’t give importance to it when they wrote the amount. I’m enough sure,knowing them,they gave exaggerated amount just to transmit to me that they need much much more . As they used to do, it is just a symbolic sum of money same as the other issue years back (didn't give all what they asked). They wrote “ one hundred thousand dollars”. I’m enough sure it is the price they jokingly asked in their letter.

 

Where can I find such dollars? I’m thinking to go in the night club tonight  and search for any clients for my instant money-making business… :lol:

 

To calm down my nervs for this foregoing annoying issue of mine, I enjoy drinking about 4-5 cups of coffee per day. At the end,I’m suiciding myself


Edited by melody, 06 April 2014 - 10:15 AM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#9 melody

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Posted 06 April 2014 - 10:20 AM

Our costs were (approximate)
All amounts Phil Peso.
18,000 for video, caterer and invitations (package deal)
15,000 for Chef, food & coke
8,000 for makeup
7,500 for venue and overnight stay in cottage
3,500 for cake
5,000 for wedding dress, barong & 4 dresses for wedding party
10,000 for miscellaneous expenses including renting a car for trip to city
15,000 for 3 pigs (we cut this cost to approx 10,000 by buying piglets for 2000 each and feeding them for 6 months :) )
5,000 for a live band

P100,000 is expensive, but it will be a fancy wedding if they budget carefully. We spent a lot of time running around doing our own shopping, but we managed to get it done in under 3 weeks. Not within the official budget, but there was a little left of the real budget afterward :) That is the most important part of budgeting in Phils in my experience. Have 2 budgets, a low official budget and a larger actual budget as I can guarantee that someone will try to break the bank with their spending...after all they have a rich relative to cover the shortfall :P

I hope you don't have too many more unmarried siblings as the others will expect rich sister/aunt to pay when the time comes :D

They can cut the costs if they are willing to go with a civil wedding and just have a party at the house afterward.

The adventure continues
Fritz

 

Mamma mia Fritz…how many numbers with such more & more zeros at the end. I’m not good in mathematics, I find hard to calculate all these. You give me more headache hahaaaaa

 

Thanks for sharing these prices to me. If you could sponsor for my sake, millions of thanks you will receive hahaaaaa

 

If I remember well,a year ago (no gf yet),my family mentioned to me a civil wedding. If I were to choose, I choose NO wedding hahaaa but I think it’s not possible coz her belly is monthly by monthly becomes bigger.

 

I just sent my family an email  2 days ago asking what kind of wedding they pretend to have. Like that of Prince William? No answer yet from them.

 

Since they ask my assistant , I feel to decide how much to spend and I would like to calculate how much would be the expenses. Could I prertend too,the wedding dress??? It’s enough for a bride to wear a simple design white gown that just made by a dressmaker (have an aunt who is a dressmaker). The groom is just a barong tagalong,visitors are those important,party can be at the restaurant and those only who has invitation cards can enter,no video taken just photos, music from CDs hahaa,transportation is just a carabao  :lol:  and honeymoon at home ( no need to go boracay,she is already pregnant hahaaa). Oh my goodness,I’m not the one going to marry,so I like to spend nothing. We are Filipinos,you know…we suppose not to pretend a luxurious wedding if she is a second hand  :lol:  SORRY no intention to offend others,I’m just focusing to the reality of my bro’s situation.

 

A weird thing is…till now I do not see the face nor hear  the voice of such future bride. I always ask my parents information about her,only few I got. I asked them ahead of time,where is the destination after married ,in our home living in the same shelter or they live separately. Till now I never been answered by them,maybe they just pretend to be deaf and I just keep my great patience. I fear that everything will be a bad surprise and worry for a high blood pressure in my return.grrrrr

 

I think the price of an airplane ticket is more or less the amount to spend in a poor wedding. Don’t you think?Poor me……

 

No..no..no Fritz, I limit myself of no my own siblings/kids because of the future wedd expenses and non-stop demand. I will die earlier of an heart attack hahaaa

 

Let me laugh a little bit Fritz though my heart is aching


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Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#10 melody

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Posted 06 April 2014 - 10:25 AM

really Melody? 100,000 pesos ( I think is what you mean)  for a wedding ?  and he is asking for more?  wow! that's big of him to demand such amount and wanted more, and because you gave in during the time he ask that help/demand  he can manipulate you again for giving in the second time, or perhaps the money you sent was already spent and thats why he is asking for more. And anyway its his wedding and why are you incharge of the entire expenses? . . For me that amount is  sufficient enough for more than a simple wedding. Factor in these things into what you think a decent and  simple wedding, Church wedding with the whole entourage, church wedding ( mass wedding which is cheaper) , a simple church wedding sort of on your own thng , no need for flower girls or ring bearer, just a few adults for ninangs and ninongs and the cord or veil, or civil wedding in a reception area where you only need to decorate once ( compared to church and reception area decorated separately) or just plain civil wedding and have reception at home. If you cant afford to feed 100 guest or more then dont invite a lot, but if youre reasoning is that because its the culture or its expected from your family and dont wanna offend/hurt  them then its up to you . I know a couple of whom can very much afford a fancy wedding but instead  they rented a reception area, decorated it, with sort of altar or stage where the judge can marry them and  cater the food for over a hundred people, with a lot of left overs afterwards, but only spent a fraction of that 100,000pesos. granted it happened a few years ago, but bottoline is dont be a show off when you cannot afford it.. And seriously, why are you spending too much on a wedding when theres more important expenses coming the couples way, like when the baby comes, or  they can simply ask  or demand from you again. And yes it will be nonstop demand until you seriously mean "NO" . Time to show "tough love" to the family.

 

My dear saccharine..your speak out loud sincerity gives me a slap on my face.Help me to murmur and try to feel too this annoying situation of mine.

 

Perhaps is that what really my family in Pinas mean to say on their one hundred thousand dollars (they are used to indicate $ than peso) symbolic sum. It’s a lot of money and surely I can’t afford that. What I already gave to them the first time they asked,let me keep it by myself. I can’t send them more coz I have plan too in my life and I really stretch my euro.Besides, I can’t beg anymore my hubby for the same purpose that he himself hope “the first and the last time” for the same reason. My skin is not thick enough  :lol: . I always recommend to my family not to depend on me coz life is a cruel one. Tomorrow I could be without any cents or I die etc..No one is guaranteed in this world even marriage that is sacred can destroy…and I’m not the one who ever change & change mind. I am a kind of straight-forward when I speak with them,my NO is NO and YES is YES. Maybe just because he is my brother and he helped me a lot years back. He quited his studies and went to work to finance my schooling, but I repaid him for that. I think I have no more debts towards him. I financed his studies and all his basic needs until he finished. Now he has a stable job.I keep sending amount for my parents (later I have another topic to discuss,let me finish this current issue).

 

I feel bad not because I can’t give..it is because they can’t understand why I can’t. They are the one who are offended now.

 

I agree with you. Thanks for posting


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#11 melody

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Posted 06 April 2014 - 10:51 AM

Here was the costs of our wedding.

http://www.theworldo...showtopic=25396

 

Good Martin..allow me to paste here the cost of your wedding for better viewing....

 

First thing was the CENOMAR. We can't remember the cost of that, but it was around 1000 PHP for me (the foreigner) and around 800 for her.

 

Certificate of Legal Capacity, from the Canadian Embassy in Makati City (Manilla)-$50 CDN.

 

Pre Marriage Counseling at City Hall-1765 PHP

 

Pre Cana Counseling at the Catholic Church-800 PHP

 

Marriage Certificate Processing-1800 PHP

 

Marriage License- 2 PHP (you read that correctly..two)

 

Catholic Church fee- 10 000 PHP

 

Wedding Package (covered clothes, flowers, photographer, video, reception hall, food, hotel room)- 70 000 PHP

 

Wedding dress upgrade (the ones in the package weren't quite as nice), Bigger Barong (bigger cost extra from the pre-paid package), and a few other misc changes of clothes -6800 PHP

 

Giveaways - 900 PHP

 

Pictures for giveaways - 160 PHP

 

Invitations - 2100 PHP

 

Extras for the party afterwards at our house (lechon, beer, pop), as well as lechon (bbq pig) at our reception and live music at the reception - 25 000 PHP

 

Total cost -121127 PHP and $50 cdn. or roughly $3080 cdn

 

For everything else, there's MasterCard

 

----------------------------------------------------

 

 

I try to exclude some of the cost since my brother is 100% Pinoy “Bahala Na” :lol:

 

Can I exclude suc PRE & PRE counseling? What was for if later they will fight each other :lol:

 

No..No…No… that giveaways is unfair, I should not giveaway nor them who have nothing to give. They should receive gifts from visitors not from me.

 

For everything else, there’s a MasterCard? :o Can you sponsor my brother’s wedding too? :lol:

 

Wow yours was a great wedding,you’re a Master!

 

Thanks for posting Martin…


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Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#12 melody

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Posted 06 April 2014 - 11:09 AM

Melody, my heart goes out to you and to all who get the incessant demands for money. It is such a shame that some families take advantage by putting so much pressure on some of you, which can sometimes affect our marriages. I hope you stick to your refusal or you may be faced with the rest of your life of requests. I know that our home phone used to continually ring in the middle of the night with reverse charged phone calls from nieces and nephews asking for money until we put a stop to it by shutting the phone off at night. I finally had to have my wife ask her brothers and sisters to tell everyone "what they would have done had she never married me." I never mind giving in real emergencies but it always amazed me how many fake emergencies they could manage to think up. :(

 

Hope you get it all worked out and do not let it get to you, you are not alone in these things happening. 

 

Mr. Lee thanks for letting me feel you are near just in words.......

 

Till now they are silent....3 days ago i sent their regular allowance (without additional of what they are asking). I don't fail to send that (thanks for my husband) and i said to them to let me know if they recieve but i do not yet recieve any reply.

 

I ask the same thing to my family many times and repeat it everytime, what if i never married to this man or i am still in the Philippines, can i assist their overall expenses.

 

I always tell to them not to give me headache,save some money for rainy days just what i am doing too. Spend wisely the money and not just to show-off, they can spend for whatever they want as long as they know how to budget it and i am not responsible anymore if it is not enough afterwards,it's their problem i don't care to give additional.

 

I usually put my phone in a silent mode when it's time to eat and to sleep. At night,i turn it off at 7 pm and turn on at 7 am. I tell them always not to call me by phone, they should send me a love letter if they want to speak with me,and warn them always not speak about problems with me because i may cut their allowance.

 

Maybe my faults too..because i share to them what i eat yesterday,today and tomorrow :lol: , where i have been, if i restore my kitchen into a new one etccc. I would like only to let them know that i am ok and beloved by my husband. I think tha'ts the most important thing they can have from me.

 

You know....i don't feel excited anymore to travel back Pinas... :(


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Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#13 melody

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Posted 06 April 2014 - 11:34 AM

Melody, I hope that your brother have had a decent job to raise a family. Glad that nobody is bothering me in my family. But to tell you honestly I won't tolerate my brother or family about this kind of wedding that they want. Specially if you also depend on your husband and not working to have your own hard earned money to send to them. Tell your brother to have a wedding according to what he can afford for and not what your husband can afford to send. He should be somewhat be ashamed of himself.

 

Pretty JLW36, yes he has a decent job and his future wife as i heard is a school teacher . We are only two siblings and he is my one and only elder brother. Thanks God,i have only one! He likes only to ask taking advantage that he is my dear brother and in his wedding expenses i can't probably says NO as i helped him to finished his study too. My mom,knowing her well,may understand my situation and she is the kind of soft while asking and explaining something but my dad and brother are the one who pretend more.

 

To be sincere,prior to his plan to marry and before he gets gf, i always and always advice him everything .If he has a plan,to save parts of his money.Sometimes he do not even give something for food,all what he gain is all for him. I don't understand why he can't afford for his own. I repeat many times to them that i am not the bread-winner and i get some allowance too from hubby that i keep jealously,sometimes hubby gives me extra for my personal-beauty needs just not to touch my savings. I am enough lucky and it's not my personality to take advantage. Evcen if i have my own income, i hardly satisfy all what they ask nor all what i wish to have.

 

I feel exhausted..sorry if i speak a lot. Good for you and i hope your turn will not come. Thanks for posting


Edited by melody, 06 April 2014 - 11:37 AM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#14 melody

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Posted 07 April 2014 - 05:56 PM

Guys...if you are the one to choose for just a very simple or call it poor wedding but decent one,according to Filipino budget (forget the assistant of someone in abrioad), how much would it be?????

 

I hope there are Filipino couples here who can give me an idea. Just want to show to my family that i am enough informed about the details and prices,so they stop to annoy me.


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#15 JLW36

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Posted 12 April 2014 - 05:02 AM


Pretty JLW36, yes he has a decent job and his future wife as i heard is a school teacher . We are only two siblings and he is my one and only elder brother. Thanks God,i have only one! He likes only to ask taking advantage that he is my dear brother and in his wedding expenses i can't probably says NO as i helped him to finished his study too. My mom,knowing her well,may understand my situation and she is the kind of soft while asking and explaining something but my dad and brother are the one who pretend more.
 
To be sincere,prior to his plan to marry and before he gets gf, i always and always advice him everything .If he has a plan,to save parts of his money.Sometimes he do not even give something for food,all what he gain is all for him. I don't understand why he can't afford for his own. I repeat many times to them that i am not the bread-winner and i get some allowance too from hubby that i keep jealously,sometimes hubby gives me extra for my personal-beauty needs just not to touch my savings. I am enough lucky and it's not my personality to take advantage. Evcen if i have my own income, i hardly satisfy all what they ask nor all what i wish to have.
 
I feel exhausted..sorry if i speak a lot. Good for you and i hope your turn will not come. Thanks for posting


Melody, I'll take that as a compliment. LOL
So ok his your one and only brother? Probably thats the reason he was spoiled because he knows you cannot refused him. Do not stressed yourself over this just helped him according to what you can financially afford to help.

Edited by Mr. Lee, 12 April 2014 - 10:56 AM.
repair quote box

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#16 melody

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Posted 12 April 2014 - 04:10 PM

Melody, I'll take that as a compliment. LOL
So ok his your one and only brother? Probably thats the reason he was spoiled because he knows you cannot refused him. Do not stressed yourself over this just helped him according to what you can financially afford to help.

 

And thanks for the compliment :D

 

Yes yes yeah,he is my one and only brother and this time he is wrong,i can't spoil him. So as everything has a limit,my patience has too huh :angry: . Never and never i spoil him coz he is not my child :P :lol: .

 

I begin to think i should change principles (same as what i told to one of the member here). This time the big NO,since they are not able to appreciate anymore what i am giving and when i can't give ,it's hard for them to accept and understand. I should limit too to tell them about my life, i should learn not to give them importance sometimes. I will see if they can learn.

 

But oh...that edited by Mr.Lee this post of yours..i feel something smelly, maybe a dried fish,a meal for the day :lol:

 

I should calm down coz my nervs are getting tired :lol: ,thanks for the advice.

 

And thanks for posting pretty man..ahem, woman...just suspect  you're a man. :unsure:


Edited by melody, 12 April 2014 - 04:11 PM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#17 Mr. Lee

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Posted 12 April 2014 - 08:12 PM

 

 

But oh...that edited by Mr.Lee this post of yours..i feel something smelly, maybe a dried fish,a meal for the day :lol:

 

 

I only edited the post to repair the quote box (the area a members post belongs in), to make it easier for other members to know who wrote what, no content was removed or added.

 

As for your situation Melody, IMO stick to your guns. If you have already given what you can afford and feel is fair and they have possibly already spent that money, then IMO do what YOU feel is the correct thing to do, since we all are in different situations and only each of us knows exactly what our own situations might be.

 

I do find it a shame that some families do not understand just how expensive it is for us to live where we live and how it seems impossible for most people in the Philippines to not have the thoughts that we have to be very rich because of where we live, since in their minds we are all millionaires and maybe some of us may be when in pesos, but we do not live on pesos, so we have to live on our own currency and that often makes many of us very very far from millionaires.

 

Also IMO it is best to not show them too much, or tell them too much about your life, or they will surely think we are very rich. I can tell you that based on some photos you had put in your signature in the past, antique cars, pets, etc  and some of the things you have posted about in the past, that alone could lead a person to think you are very comfortable, so if you have shared some of those items, or similar items with family, then possibly they too may get that feeling. 


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#18 melody

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Posted 13 April 2014 - 02:36 PM

I only edited the post to repair the quote box (the area a members post belongs in), to make it easier for other members to know who wrote what, no content was removed or added.

 

Ah…that’s a good job of you Mr. Lee. I thought there was a dried fish for a meal. :lol:

 

As for your situation Melody, IMO stick to your guns. If you have already given what you can afford and feel is fair and they have possibly already spent that money, then IMO do what YOU feel is the correct thing to do, since we all are in different situations and only each of us knows exactly what our own situations might be.

 

I FEEL not to change mind this time. My family can still find a big NO for such matter. If they already spent that money,it’s up to them to resolve their problem. The more I say NO to them. As I have said I have my limit too but I am the one who give 2nd and 3rd chances. This is why I am asking how much really the possible amount to spend for a Filipino budget simple wedding..civil one ,few visitors,no need for honeymoon.Thru this way I could tell “well, if they can wait,I could give 1 cent more if I will have when I will back pinas”.

 

I do find it a shame that some families do not understand just how expensive it is for us to live where we live and how it seems impossible for most people in the Philippines to not have the thoughts that we have to be very rich because of where we live, since in their minds we are all millionaires and maybe some of us may be when in pesos, but we do not live on pesos, so we have to live on our own currency and that often makes many of us very very far from millionaires.

 

That’s the wrong view of many in the Phil. that we are living a life of richness and abundance here in a foreign country. I could faults  some filipino people who come back in pinas and blow-out here & there. Families in pinas mostly like to show –off that they receive lots of money just to make relatives and neighbours envy.The truth, as I have said the fridge is empty. To my parents,I don’t teach them that way. Showing off is not my style.I started to show off here some pics brought by a cat fight before with such lovely member asianstreak and It was a challenge for me since nobody believed in me at first time here in Wof. Now no one can stop me …lol Turning back to my family. I teach them to be still humble.They have a better home now but a decent one,not a palace or mansion as what they call it in the Philippines. They have a small fridge enough for two old persons like them,they don’t have even a smart phone, father has only a motorcycle. These are some aspects my family has. Nothing to be ashame of…perhaps for just a wedding,they are pressured from some relatives or family of the future bride.

 

I also explain to them many times same as what you stated above that here we are live on our own currency ,all here are expensive for us. Good for them that they can profit our money for exchange rate.

 

Also IMO it is best to not show them too much, or tell them too much about your life, or they will surely think we are very rich. I can tell you that based on some photos you had put in your signature in the past, antique cars, pets, etc  and some of the things you have posted about in the past, that alone could lead a person to think you are very comfortable, so if you have shared some of those items, or similar items with family, then possibly they too may get that feeling. 

 

Now,let’s forget that term RICH…we only just have a comfortable life in the sense that we can afford some more extra comodities for a living and for our enjoyment. Believe me, we are working very hard too this is why I mostly repeat here that I have a busy-crazy life. Thanks for our own effort,we are enough economically fortunate but this doesn’t mean we are free of worries and free of backaches. We have some healthy vicious of life that were purchased for a low cost  years ago when hubby had to stretch his euros.Those was brought by his own sweat. Now we are proud of those vintage cars collection. Me less coz those are the only thing I am jealous of, hubby maintain the beauty of those cars more than his wife. :angry:  My pets huh no one can touch and hurt them not even my big buddy but when he is mad at me he usually says, “ tell me that you love me or I kill your pets”. So I am always forced to tell it. :lol:

 

Same as what I tell here,I explain also to my parents but from now on, as I have said I should limit to tell them everything about my life. I should tell them only all about my heartache and headache so that they will be alarmed and panic and afraid that I will really cut-off their allowance and so they feel to save more for rainy days. ;)

 

Thanks for posting with your sincere words Mr.Lee :)

 

 

 


Edited by melody, 13 April 2014 - 05:05 PM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 





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