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English Language Barrier - obstacle in relationship?

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#61 Psoas10

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Posted 19 April 2007 - 07:15 AM

Hmm i feel bad for some of the ladies here. When my fiance goes to the store here with me, she will translate for me,hehe. In fact she will have no problem talking to most of my friends here, or her relatives.

#62 futhark_13

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Posted 06 May 2007 - 10:30 PM

well here is an ideal for you why do you expect her to provide communication for you?????????? why dont you try and learn her language????if your in a world of denial as you seem to be about this issue consider how well you would be commuicating to her!!!! I give my fiancee props for all she does to communicte with me as i havent bothered to learn her language! Why would my bubble burst!! not only can it not burst because i havent made the effort to learn her language it grows as she learns more of mine! it show how much she loves me that she learns it !! I try to learn her's but to tell you truthfully i just suck at talking different languges. i dont have the mind for it like she does!so when it comes to communicating with my sweetheart i give her all the benifit of doubt i can as i think you should if you care for this lady at all!!!!!!

#63 Psoas10

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Posted 07 May 2007 - 04:21 AM

I am learning Tagalog as of right now. My fiance is teaching me that coz it is easier to learn and there are more resources for it, movies, songs, learning aids etc. My comment is that Kauai is about 40-50% filipino here, and most of them are ilocanos. So she will help me speak to her relatives here and my friend's relatives too. Also she teach me some words to look out for when people talk about us. At the same time I am teaching to local dialect of english here, and more colloquial english too.

#64 manicmonday

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Posted 20 May 2007 - 02:22 AM

Back2eden, hey!

I appreciate you being real on this situation and you know what? you and my fiance then was in a same boat. He was a little skeptical. Unsure. Well not until he picked up the phone and called me for the first time. At first, I sound really funny, had to grasp words--literally looking at the ceiling hoping I can find answers there. I can even hear some dogs outside barking, well all because I was loud talking to a person I have been talking ONLINE all the while and goSh!! my heart was bizaarely in motion, can't breathe. blink.gif The rest is history.

Just an advice, book a flight. If you think she's a good soul out there, go and see her. Who knows...you might be missing half of your life or maybe your whole life depends on this person to complete you. Don't trust on your first judgement sometimes.

God Bless!!!

Edited by manicmonday, 20 May 2007 - 02:23 AM.

There is a King that I can go to ..

#65 searcher

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Posted 05 July 2007 - 01:19 AM

It is probably more difficult to understand your significant other, and for her to understand you, over the phone. Your words are not as clear on the phone, no matter what kind of phone service you have, and there is no body language to help you out. I wouldn't worry about the language barrier too much.

#66 j-ann

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Posted 08 September 2007 - 03:05 AM


Not being able to communicate is definitely a barrier. If you are still serious at this point then
you can explain to her in a nice and civil way, no, it wouldn't be offensive at all and it is most
realistic and practical to help her prepare for your lives together in your country.

In any relationship especially in cross-cultural relationships, communication is definitely important.
And one way to communicate is understanding each other through a common spoken language,
a key to building a relationship that really works.

Love is not enough to sustain a good relationship/marriage, just as love is not enough if there is no
food on the table, or roof over your head. Otherwise it would become sooo boring in time, tedious,
embarrassing, depressing, and frustrating to both of you, if you cannot express yourself, cannot be
understood, or fail to adapt to your new surrounding, country/home.

Thus so, it certainly pays to learn the language of your adopted country and make an effort
to remove this language barrier to a great communication.


QUOTE(Back2eden @ Feb 20 2007, 09:37 PM) View Post
Hello everyone,
...But the experience kind of bursted my pink bubble. I began to have my first doubts while projecting into the future as to whether I can truly be in a satisfying relationship with someone who there will be a persistent language barrier. Online chatting was fine, but in conversation, it was difficult. I think she knows enough functional English to get by, but not to have a mature conversation. This concern is on top of the fact that she comes from a very small village in Agusan del Norte a province of Mindanao.

Has anybody been in a similar position that can offer guidance, advice and/or suggestions. Please share your experiences. I WANT to make this happen, but I don't want to set myself up for disappointment; Being commited to a woman who I can hardly have a conversation with. Would it be unrealistic or offensive to request that she go to an English language school if I payed?

Please share.....

#67 andrew&evelyn

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Posted 02 November 2007 - 02:06 AM

No! For me and my hubby it's not really a big deal. Whenever I say something and he couldn't understand he just let me spell it for him and after that he teach me how to say it correctly. And sometimes we just laugh about my english. And now he is learning my dialect and its fun. don't worry too much..in person I'm sure you can easily understand her. I also came from a small town of Mindanao and language its not problem..love speack louder than words...hehehehe..I mean action speak louder than words. Thru her action I guess you will understand each other better wink.gif

#68 jelmichael

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Posted 25 March 2009 - 05:30 PM

well, that happens to me too, i have alot of experiences to this, my english writing is so different than talking in person. Before, my ex used to call me on phone everyday. At first i had the difficulty of understanding his words, i had a mixed feelings that time since it was our first talk, i was really nervous, concious if my english is right, plus the connection of the phone that made my english so terrible. But when time went by, as we keep talking on phone, everything went fine then. I was able to talk to him well and the everyday talk helps alot on us.

My bf, Michael came here in Cebu for the first time. We never had a chance to talk on phone before he came. I admit, though i understand his english, but i cannot speak it directly, i still have to think if it is correct before opening my mouth. But when time goes by, everything went fine, and we were able to have a few conversation about anything that comes in our mind. One time we argue, and i was really shocked i spoke english very well, i think its because i was really angry at that time. There i found out that i am good in english, its just i am always hesitating if i speak it correctly or not. Sometimes my mind will pushed my tongue back and when i am going to speak, the words will be scrambled and it made me laugh realizing that i speak real terrible. Daily conversation would helps alot.

Always speak slowly, not too slow but let your gf understand what you are saying, you adjust first step by step and you will see then one day you are able to create a good conversation. my advice is not to use shakespearean words which has a deep meaning and i am sure your filipina gf wouldnt really understand it.

Posted ImagePosted Image

K1 Timeline*****if you want to ask anything about this processing dont hesitate to ask, i'll be glad to help.****

01/16/09- Michael joined Internationalcupid. sent me a message..
01/16/09- started communicating through email only.
01/21/09- (my b-day) started using instant messenger
02/17/09- decided to come in PI to meet me.
02/19/09- booked a flight and hotel
03/02/09- arrived in PI (his b-day)
03/06/09- Goodbye my love, flew back to Texas
03/18/09- hired a lawyer for K1 Visa
03/25/09- sent G325A and other documents to love
03/30/09- love received the forms.
04/07/09- sent the forms G325A, I129F and other documents in checklist to our lawyer
04/09/09- lawyer received the forms and docs.
04/17/09- lawyer sent the forms
04/29/09- NOA1...case number received.
08/06/09- Love came back for the 2nd time....SOOO HAPPY..
08/14/09- Love flew back to Texas...SOOO SAD
08/26/09- NOA2..yesssssssss
09/01/09- NOA2 hard copy....mnl case number
09/02/09- NVC letter received..mnl case number
09/22-23/09- Medical passed..thanks lord
09/28/09- interview cancelled due to typhoon Ondoy
09/29/09- Interview...yaysss passed...
10/02/09- VISA VISA VISA VISA on hand..
10/05/09- CFO seminar DONE
10/14/09- Arrived in Texas
11/25/09- wedding day..
11/26-29/09- Honeymoon in Vegas..
12/02/09- applied for ssn..
12/08/09- received a letter from SS.. card will arrive in 2 weeks..
12/16/09- SSN received..
01/06/10- AOS application submitted..
01/15/10-3 Receipts received..
02/02/10- Biometrics at Lubbock
03/04/10- EAD notice via email..Ordered production of new card
03/09/10- Advance travel parole arrived via mail
03/10/10- EAD approval notice sent..
03/13/10- EAD card arrived..
04/07/10- Interview at El Paso
06/15/10- Got my Greencard

#69 Venus914

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Posted 18 April 2010 - 05:05 AM

Well, i can speak English so we dont have a problem in that area, except when he tries to confuse me by using slang. laugh.gif I got a 8 in IELTS and have a call center experience in Cebu prior to being a nurse.

Im teaching him Cebuano. wink.gif No pressure though.
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#70 Shoeaholic

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Posted 18 April 2010 - 02:30 PM

QUOTE (sterlingsilver @ Feb 21 2007, 10:41 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Well if we all keep up the good work.....it will be push 1 for Tagalog!!!!

Here is Canada, we also have to press 1 for English and everything is translated in very often very literal French. I wonder what the Quebecois think every time they see the horrible translation? Sacre bleu! tongue.gif laugh.gif

I believe that an advanced level of fluency in a foreign language is very important to a successful interracial relationship. It's either you learn to speak her language or she does just that exactly. It's more fun though if you do it together. As a couple you need to be able to communicate in a mature and deeper than the superficial level, after all you will be building and sharing a life together. If one of you decides to move to the other person's country, that person will need to be able to assimilate, integrate and become a fully functional member of that society in order to not always feel like an outsider, someone who does not belong. Moving to a new country is not easy, it's like starting and building your life all over again and to do that successfully, you have to be able to speak the language.

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