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#1 boondok_gurl

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 05:50 AM

Hello again. This is my third post, and I just realized that I have not properly introduced myself. As my ID may indicate, I live in the mountains (of Northern Luzon, to be exact). I have been corresponding with someone in the States for months now. I joined this site to see if there are any posts regarding my "problem", and I see none, so I was hoping to get some input from anyone of you. I really would appreciate it.

So here is my question:

I have been corresponding with a man from the US for a few months now. In the months that we have been communicating, online and via the phone, we discussed his coming here to meet me. He first broached the subject of his coming here sometime in October. At that time, he said he was thinking of coming to see me this April at the earliest. Financially, I really do not have any idea how much he makes or where he is financially, I didnt ask. But I do know that he works as an independent public works inspector in California. I do know this as I googled his name, and his work info came up.

Anyway, fast forward to January, and he tells me that February will be his last month working for the building owners. He has also told me at various times that he has been sending out applications for various projects, but he has not been lucky thus far. He is stressed, I can tell, although when we talk he doesnt dwell on this. It's the last week of February, his last week at work. I am at a loss as to how to communicate with him, knowing his work situation. I know him well enough that when he gets depressed or stressed or frustrated about something, he doesnt call for a few days. His way of dealing with stress is to just stay in the corner and be quiet. He apologizes or leaves me messages online, if he can't call. Sometimes, I call him to ask if he is ok, if I dont hear from him.

In the coming weeks, he will surely be feeling down and depressed about work. I expect this. How does one go about this, what does one say? I know to give him space, but apart from that, what next?

If anyone can make a suggestion or offer some advise, I am thankful.

Cheers,
Not so Cheerful Aba

P.S.: At the moment, I am not so much concerned about when he will be coming. Just last night we talked, and he did say that he will come visit. My immediate concern is how to deal with his being out of any work project? Do I not say anything?

#2 AndrewCB

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 06:06 AM

QUOTE (boondok_gurl @ Feb 24 2009, 11:50 PM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
Hello again. This is my third post, and I just realized that I have not properly introduced myself. As my ID may indicate, I live in the mountains (of Northern Luzon, to be exact). I have been corresponding with someone in the States for months now. I joined this site to see if there are any posts regarding my "problem", and I see none, so I was hoping to get some input from anyone of you. I really would appreciate it.

So here is my question:

I have been corresponding with a man from the US for a few months now. In the months that we have been communicating, online and via the phone, we discussed his coming here to meet me. He first broached the subject of his coming here sometime in October. At that time, he said he was thinking of coming to see me this April at the earliest. Financially, I really do not have any idea how much he makes or where he is financially, I didnt ask. But I do know that he works as an independent public works inspector in California. I do know this as I googled his name, and his work info came up.

Anyway, fast forward to January, and he tells me that February will be his last month working for the building owners. He has also told me at various times that he has been sending out applications for various projects, but he has not been lucky thus far. He is stressed, I can tell, although when we talk he doesnt dwell on this. It's the last week of February, his last week at work. I am at a loss as to how to communicate with him, knowing his work situation. I know him well enough that when he gets depressed or stressed or frustrated about something, he doesnt call for a few days. His way of dealing with stress is to just stay in the corner and be quiet. He apologizes or leaves me messages online, if he can't call. Sometimes, I call him to ask if he is ok, if I dont hear from him.

In the coming weeks, he will surely be feeling down and depressed about work. I expect this. How does one go about this, what does one say? I know to give him space, but apart from that, what next?

If anyone can make a suggestion or offer some advise, I am thankful.

Cheers,
Not so Cheerful Aba

P.S.: At the moment, I am not so much concerned about when he will be coming. Just last night we talked, and he did say that he will come visit. My immediate concern is how to deal with his being out of any work project? Do I not say anything?

Im sorry if this stings a little, But i feel i need to speak from the heart!

#1 The answer to the question , No dont say anything about his job hunting , for that will get him down , keep the convo. at a up beat! (If you can)

#2 ( the stinging part) There are many loving caring men out there that really need a good woman and have their act together
and will not turn out to be your heartache!
#3 If you love this man nobody here can tell you to move on all we can do is pray for you and ask God to give you guideance
and him a JOB!!

God bless
Andrew

#3 blue_acid

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 11:48 AM

with the tough economic times, maintaining a LDR is really hard with all the expenses like phone calls, shipping and trips.

i guess you also have to take the pro-active role as someone who is willing to lend a shoulder to lean on and be a supportive friend. i guess this is the time to see if you are really compatible with this person and if your personalities and priorities do match up.

don't be pushy, westerners have a bigger personal space or bubble than us filipinos and give advice when he asks for us. just think that there are times when you are ))))))) or depressed and you just want to be left alone. i think that is how he feels and talking to you would be a form of support or to let out steam. im sure when he is ready, he will open things up to you. also, don't take it against you if he doesn't call as much since it might be the way for him to cope through things. you can leave him encouraging messages once in a while, im sure it will be appreciated.

i want to say in this point not to expect but also be the friend that he needs in these trying times.

goodluck!

#4 zzzlpr

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Posted 25 February 2009 - 12:51 PM

First, the kind of job he has is greatly affected by the current economy.
In short if there aren't any constructions going, he has nothing to inspect.
The prospects for now is not too good (I hate to say it).
Maybe he has other skills and can get a different job for a while.

It is not uncommon for a man to go to his "cavern" when things like that happen.
If he at least keep in contact it is likely what is going on.

I say support him and hopefully he will find a job and get out of this.

I wish you the best,

Carlos

"A man does not know how alive he can be until a sweet Pinay steals his heart."
my point of view


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#5 boondok_gurl

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Posted 26 February 2009 - 05:30 AM

Thank you, everyone, for your replies. It helps to talk about this with someone who understands how these relationships go. I am happy to have found this site. Anyway, as for your responses, I needed a sounding board as to how to deal with the situation. It's a wait and see thing. Hopefully, all will turn out okay.

Thank you again.

Aba




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