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#41 DobermanGuy

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Posted 12 July 2009 - 07:09 PM

QUOTE (Lilia @ Mar 25 2009, 09:24 AM) <{POST_SNAPBACK}>
hi,

I think it is fair to make a lot of choices if he never committed to himself to anyone of those ladies. Bad is the person if he came to the Philippines and he committed himself and after seeing her he changed his mind and find another girl right?

As long as he did not have into a good relationship, he is free to to search lots of fish. Some men went to philippines without string attached just like the one you are telling. Maybe , he did not found the right girl that attracts him... so he kept on dialing. Some men are picky. After all, it is a lifetime comittment not for a second thought only.


Well said Lilia! wink.gif

Marriage IS a lifetime comittment and LOTS of people on the internet tell lies without hesitation. They could very easily be scammers or GC seekers or worse. This guy did right to be honest with her in telling her that he was also talking to other ladies. He also made a wise choice by not just blindly 'believing' everything he may have read in a 'profile' somewhere...

Hiring a private investigator is also a great idea. If I had know about just 1/2 of the things that my X wife had 'left out' or concealed from me in the beginning, I would have run like heck!!!

There is NO shame in being 'picky' or taking the time to 'check up' on a potential partners story... Only a fool would gamble with their future by choosing and trusting the first person to come along and write them a nice email or two...

Just because a person 'claims' that they care is not good enough in todays world... What did Regan say, "Trust but Verify"... Lots of wisdom in that statement he made...

I care VERY much for the lady I have been communicating with in the Philippines, but I will never again put blind trust into ANY woman without having them investigated and followed around for a while just to sure that what I have been told is the truth...

A careless guy that is not willing to spend the time looking for the 'right' lady and that is not willing to 'verify' her story will not be married for long... wink.gif

#42 stibs

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Posted 22 August 2009 - 03:21 PM

I have to admit i had gone to Cebu with a bunch of profiles, but I didn't wave them around. I told the ladies I was coming to meet as friends first, and that i was planning to meet 3 or 4 others as well. It seemed to take the excitement away for them at first. I could see their big hopes, even it was first time meeting with only a few chats. It was more honest that way, and I was able to learn more about them as friends, than a boyfriend. Oh what I learned rolleyes.gif

#43 stibs

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Posted 22 August 2009 - 03:37 PM

Wow I agree with you but with considerations. So many penpals lied to me and tried to hide their real situation (lovers, a child, other foreign suitors, etc, etc.) Even most of the photos were so very much prettier, even different in one case! The shock was how sincere they all acted. It seems moral to lie if you have an important reason there. But the considerstion is this: It seems a wierd match for a strict american to court or marry a fun loving and loving filipina. If you are going to court and marry a filipina lady, you better learn to be more romantic and sensitive.

#44 stibs

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Posted 22 August 2009 - 05:47 PM

I have to admit i had gone to Cebu with a bunch of profiles, but I didn't wave them around. I told the ladies I was coming to meet as friends first, and that i was planning to meet 3 or 4 others as well. It seemed to take the excitement away for them at first. I could see their big hopes, even it was first time meeting with only a few chats. It was more honest that way, and I was able to learn more about them as friends, than a boyfriend. Oh what I learned rolleyes.gif

#45 stibs

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Posted 22 August 2009 - 05:50 PM

The foreigner married to a filipina needs to be more romantic, more fun loving, more sensitive and of course more generous!

#46 RickyCe

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Posted 11 December 2009 - 10:39 PM

Both sides should practice a lot of caution. I personally would have a list before taking a trip to the phils. Having an agenda, such as what cities to visit, who I'm going to be meeting, etc. Having a very clear idea of the personalities of the ladies, and their life situation, family situation, background, traits, as much as can be determined before going there. I realize that it's all too easy to get caught up in the romantic feelings, and exchanging romantic words, and building castles in the air.

But the harsh reality is that there can be a fair amount of dishonesty, outright lies and deception, and a ton of fantasies that exists in long-distance relationships. I know that first hand.

Cultural difference, not being fluent in either language (from both sides) just adds to the potential for mis-steps.

better to be safe than sorry. That being, said, using some common sense and treating the ladies with respect and sensitivity to their expectations and ambitions must not be ignored. Also doesn't mean meeting for the 1st time can't be fun!

As I said, I would use a list of questions, generate some kind of profile(s) of prospective dates/partners, and do this right from the start. For me, just helps me to be clear about what personalities I'm dealing with, and help me to know each person as well as I can at a distance. Then when I get there it's not like starting from scratch, both parties hopefully have been open and upfront, and can enjoy meeting in person.

just my 2 cents.....



#47 MrkGrismer

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Posted 12 December 2009 - 04:56 PM

It is also very important that both of you understand the other person's culture. Pick up some books on Philippine Culture and send her some books on American Culture.

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