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How much $ to send to family


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#21 melody

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Posted 22 November 2012 - 07:40 PM

I was never a millionaire, am not a millionaire, and never will be a millionaire. You are fueling the stereotype of the rich Kano by continuing to believe that anyone who sends more money than you are capable (or wanting to) of sending. Please don't add to the fire and we will return the favor and not stereotype the Filipinas as money-grubbing gold diggers. The truth about both of us is much different, more complex, and , in the end, more interesting. Let's both work to not stereotype anyone.


Sorry if react to your post.... Are you referring your statement to me?

Edited by melody, 22 November 2012 - 07:41 PM.

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#22 chomper

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Posted 23 November 2012 - 02:08 AM


I have acquaintance that always have a dispute with her husband about the money to send coz she wants to work too and have her income be sent to PI. Thus,she got want she wanted to and send almost of her money plus lots of packages twice a year.The husband accepted at the end what needs to be happy. What happens also is once pinay goes in US she could probably change mentality.. she could become independent in all the ways and likes to do things of her own that is not a sin but sometimes can be an issue between her and husband. To keep the marriage still... love can support and the way long-suffering
:D

[/quote]

Lol. Doňa eh? My mom told me her neighbors call her that because her daughter (me) is here. You know how our fellow filipinos automatically assume that anyone who's in abroad esp pinays in the US married to american men are filthy rich. So whenever my mom is out of money she would always go the wet market and buy food that is buy now pay later term without a problem because they're thinking "oh you have a rich daughter sure you can have whatever you want" which cracks me up because she's a Doňa of debt then. Or she'll compare me to her neighbors "oh you know their daughter is very nice because she's sending them a lot of money" But she tells me stories like that because she wants me to feel bad so I could send her more money. Or she'll question me why I send money to my sister too stuff like that. So I am the bad person because of the amount of money I am sending to her. I have a friend who's never worked but her husband sends like $200 a month to her fam in the Philippines but they're always asking for additional or else they wont talk to her. So I think regardless of the amount of money a pinay is sending with or without help from the kano don't matter when the fam is selfish. Most pinay are quiet about it because they don't want it to start a conflict between them and their husband. It's very depressing and it cause a lot of pressure to the foreign husband too. I wish they can just be happy for us and be supportive.

It's never a big deal to me that my husband won't send money to my family. It's big deal to me that my family not appreciating things I do for them (little or a lot). Besides I've been doing this for a long time (helping my family) and it's never gonna changed just because I get married. I know he would help if I asks but I won't because looking at all the bills he's paying monthly makes me actually share my paycheck lol. I only send the amount of money that I think is helping them enough but not giving them the wrong expectations.

Everyone is just really different but I know for sure all we ever wanted is to help our family and make them happy in any way we can. Same with the foreign husbands who try their best understanding and adapting the filipino culture. I don't think they really care about the money esp when it make their beautiful pinay wives happy Posted Image it's all that matters lol.

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#23 melody

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 09:02 AM

Lol. Doňa eh? My mom told me her neighbors call her that because her daughter (me) is here. You know how our fellow filipinos automatically assume that anyone who's in abroad esp pinays in the US married to american men are filthy rich. So whenever my mom is out of money she would always go the wet market and buy food that is buy now pay later term without a problem because they're thinking "oh you have a rich daughter sure you can have whatever you want" which cracks me up because she's a Doňa of debt then. Or she'll compare me to her neighbors "oh you know their daughter is very nice because she's sending them a lot of money" But she tells me stories like that because she wants me to feel bad so I could send her more money. Or she'll question me why I send money to my sister too stuff like that. So I am the bad person because of the amount of money I am sending to her. I have a friend who's never worked but her husband sends like $200 a month to her fam in the Philippines but they're always asking for additional or else they wont talk to her. So I think regardless of the amount of money a pinay is sending with or without help from the kano don't matter when the fam is selfish. Most pinay are quiet about it because they don't want it to start a conflict between them and their husband. It's very depressing and it cause a lot of pressure to the foreign husband too. I wish they can just be happy for us and be supportive.

It's never a big deal to me that my husband won't send money to my family. It's big deal to me that my family not appreciating things I do for them (little or a lot). Besides I've been doing this for a long time (helping my family) and it's never gonna changed just because I get married. I know he would help if I asks but I won't because looking at all the bills he's paying monthly makes me actually share my paycheck lol. I only send the amount of money that I think is helping them enough but not giving them the wrong expectations.

Everyone is just really different but I know for sure all we ever wanted is to help our family and make them happy in any way we can. Same with the foreign husbands who try their best understanding and adapting the filipino culture. I don't think they really care about the money esp when it make their beautiful pinay wives happy Posted Image it's all that matters lol.


Lol….. we are all Doňa eh coz our fellow Filipinos automatically assumes us filthy rich being married to american. Though I am married to Italian ,Filipinos still assume me Doňa . I always tell them that my property here is only my socks and panties.

Sorry to hear that your family make stories to make you feel bad. So far my family isn't like that. They are very understanding and if someone ask them about me sending money specially our relatives they answer them we receive enough for us to live in abundance and be contented and that's end up there.

So the husband being married with a pinay should keep in mind our culture and think of one those natural thing that makes pinay happy. It should not be the quantity of the amount being sent that counts but the quality of ones heart as to how much affection being delivered to the family in PI. Having conflict of sending money among them,husband and wife cause possibly lot of pressure that could lead into unhappy marriage if one of them fail to understand each other.

Edited by Mr. Lee, 24 November 2012 - 01:41 PM.
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#24 SeeSea

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Posted 24 November 2012 - 03:46 PM

Sorry but I just don't understand why families can't be grateful for what they're being sent. Or love their children no matter what they can give. It happens to us, it happens to everybody, and it makes me wonder, surely, those families can't be that shallow. It's the very shallowness of people, not only some members of our extended family there but just people who I encounter day to day that deeply bothers me. I try to understand the cause of it, whether it be poverty, selfishness, small minded-ness but none seem to be good enough excuses for me. It just seems like if one party has more, the others will be jealous.


#25 melody

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Posted 25 November 2012 - 09:12 AM

Sorry but I just don't understand why families can't be grateful for what they're being sent. Or love their children no matter what they can give. It happens to us, it happens to everybody, and it makes me wonder, surely, those families can't be that shallow. It's the very shallowness of people, not only some members of our extended family there but just people who I encounter day to day that deeply bothers me. I try to understand the cause of it, whether it be poverty, selfishness, small minded-ness but none seem to be good enough excuses for me. It just seems like if one party has more, the others will be jealous.


You said it right..it's the very shallowness of people's conduct... and when you mentioned "people" ... such kind of behaviour/conduct/actitud can't be found only in PI ..i have seen some people here in Europe too specially that one you said " if one party has more, the others will be jealous."

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#26 nite_guy

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Posted 26 November 2012 - 02:16 PM

Its a real shame that some families are not happy with the help they receive from their daughters abroad. If my wife never heard from her family except to ask for money, there would be no money going back. As it is, even when there are money problems, they don't like to ask my wife for money. We've had to tell them, if you're in trouble, ask for help and we will help if we can. They almost always ask through another family member though :lol: The pride of hard work runs pretty strong in my wife's family. I think it they tried to pull the we won't talk unless you send money trick, my wife wouldn't speak to them for a year afterwards.

The one thing I wish they were a little shorter on was saying how much they miss my wife and all the things she did for them when she was still there. It almost always makes her feel guilty and worried. They're not trying to make her feel bad, they're just expressing how much they value and love her. But its brought on regular bouts of homesickness which leaves me trying to get her happy again afterwards.

#27 jmynmarbz

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Posted 15 December 2012 - 05:34 PM

As far as I am concern.. Of course I assumed to be experiencing a more comfortable lifestyle once I am marriage with a foreigner (like what others assume but ashame to to say it), and I cant deny it but I dont demand my hubby to support the needs of my parents but I expect him to be compassionate and generous only if he can and if he can afford to help. It shouldnt be forced if he cant .

My parents know that hubby has a good-economic position but we both let parents (specially from me) understand that the amount we agree to give is what we send no more..no lessand its up to them to make a budget. When they ask more because the items and goods cost more than before..because so and so, I then answer them..how it was possible that we lived lying in the hammock after lunch and slept well at night before I get married thought there was not any help given from someone and the budget was enough for us to live than now??? Giving my family any help might be more important for me than getting a gift myself but I hate to hear people ask and ask..depend from someone and waiting help from someone that they themselves still able to cover-up their needs, so I dont give any impression to my parents that once they ask it should be granted and obligatory I should sustain their needs in life. Im not making money and no money rains here sweat and effort accompanied working for a living.

I remember my one and only brother (we are only two siblings in the family) continued begging me money to pay his loan while he is working (stable job) and has his own income. I got so mad and told him why you asked for a loan if you dont calculate and think about that you have money to pay it back?....It is bcoz you expect something from me? Im not a bank ! I got so mad..before they had not this kind of problem now that I married a foreigner they have non-stop demand. After all those madness.. never I disturb my hubby , I sent him some extra I had from my allowance recommending him not to bother me if not for emergency between life and death.

I hope when he gets married he could think hundred times before asking me to sustain the school expenses of his kids that I am not responsible for it! So ahead of time I spoke with him that think about if he can satisfy the needs of his new family before entering a marriage-life coz he shouldnt get anything from me. I was very thankful that he helped to pay the expenses in order for me to continue studying and i myself helped him too to finish his school and this stops.

Unfortunately yah many of us gals are dirt poor,live with parents or extended family and assume to be experiencing a more comfortable life marrying a foreigner but not all of us pretend that husband support the all in all needs of family in PI but surely expect husband to take in mind our culture (why he choosed pinay?) tongue.gif and consider giving our family some kind of help at least every 2 or times a month or just sending additional money as a gift makes a pinay wife happy and such happiness holds debt of gratitude towards a reasonable, understanding and kind husband.

It should be the pinay wife to speak with her parents and relatives of whyyyyyyy and concord with the husband's reasonable decision. So as to how much $ to send to family..it depends on how much money hubby and wife can afford to give heartily.

 

 

               Hello...Just my dull pennies worth,

 

 

 

                           I have read in other threads what should and should not be done in respects to money and their filipina..I Fail to understand how and wear you should have a hard and fast rule..I send her 12,000 php a month and pay her cell and internet..she sends her parents 4 to 5 thousand pesos per month...As in the begining of or relationship I know me telling her I am not rich would go in one ear and out the other :rolleyes: she says "I know Jimmy" I do not accept this reply..I tell her time and time again what I do for a living whatmy hours are...How much my bills ect ect..I know from the start before I ever commited to any support. that she has responsabilty to her family,And how much she sent them..I am sure she reads my posts here.will be shaking her head yes I tell her these things hehe :P But I told her I respect her commit to her family as she becomes part of me.I also accept this responsablity..In the same statement I ask that she can put her and I as a new family first..

 

Her answer is yes.so I ask again is she SURE....she just smiles and says 1 million percent...Now because this is our new joke I will always ask her if she is sure when I think she answers to quickly and want her to understand the seriousness of the question I ask of her... I do not understand the women that always say they want to be independant..I work its my money I will spend it on what I want..next sentence tell you its your responsablity to provide as the man in the relationship :wub: ...I agree with the people who think this helping the family and marrying the family is not exclusive to the philippines..Anyone who marrys should know there partners relationship with her family and what will be the expectation on both sides of the aisle.. :D

 

 

Ps..I would like to think that Most parents in the philipines would just be happy their daughter is Well provided for, Loved, Respected and living a better life..and most of all Happy!!

 

                                                                             Jimmy and Maribel


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#28 melody

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Posted 16 December 2012 - 09:35 AM

 

               Hello...Just my dull pennies worth,

Hi........... for as long as you have pennies those are never dull… :P

 

 

 

                           I have read in other threads what should and should not be done in respects to money and their filipina..I Fail to understand how and wear you should have a hard and fast rule..

I am a generuous type of person but too much generousity is not advisable.I love to help but only if under my possibility. It happens that when you help and help (without limit) others ask and never finish,taking advantage of generousity. I love my parents very much but I can’t shoulder all their financial needs and they should not pretend to depend everything on me. Besides I know they can still provide some extra of their own. What happens if I pass away? I always tell them to keep money for rainy days coz life is a surprise and a continous change.We don’t know if tomorrow we will have something to eat, so they must spend money wisely and don’t waste it for the things they don’t really need just to impress others.  I am lucky coz my parents are my best friends,I can reason with them and they understand the situation,they realize that my advice and my principles are not to hurt them. My hard and fast rule is not for lack of love to them..it is for them to learn and understand that in life we can’t have all what we want and all what we like to have. Besides I know they have less to spend for a living. My brother has a good and stable job ,he helps to buy items and goods they need. Mom has a sister in Australia that sends enough money to her during Christmas, dad has his SSS etc………they are not dying of hunger nor they are malnutrited.With all these words I say,I believe that the money I send to them is worth a better life than the life they had before my marriage to my Italian.

 

I send her 12,000 php a month and pay her cell and internet..she sends her parents 4 to 5 thousand pesos per month...As in the begining of or relationship I know me telling her I am not rich would go in one ear and out the other :rolleyes: she says "I know Jimmy" I do not accept this reply..I tell her time and time again what I do for a living whatmy hours are...How much my bills ect ect..I know from the start before I ever commited to any support. that she has responsabilty to her family,And how much she sent them..I am sure she reads my posts here.will be shaking her head yes I tell her these things hehe :P But I told her I respect her commit to her family as she becomes part of me.I also accept this responsablity..In the same statement I ask that she can put her and I as a new family first..

I send more than what your wife sends to her parents. I guess such money she sends is enough for her family so mine could be more than enough for my small family huh.

 

Put a family ( in PHIL) first is a good principle but hurt to feel it specially because we are family-oriented and we value our parents but we are not obligated to commit ourselves,all our money,our savings to parents now that we wives committed ourselves to the husbands. Marriage take this consequence too. Of course a loving husband seeing wife’s family in need while the wife is living in abundance, he should not close two eyes and tell it’s your responsibility and not mine. He should close just one eye and leave behind the other aspect. What he can help for the wife’s family is truly a blessing.

 

 

Her answer is yes.so I ask again is she SURE....she just smiles and says 1 million percent...Now because this is our new joke I will always ask her if she is sure when I think she answers to quickly and want her to understand the seriousness of the question I ask of her... I do not understand the women that always say they want to be independant..I work its my money I will spend it on what I want..next sentence tell you its your responsablity to provide as the man in the relationship :wub: ...I agree with the people who think this helping the family and marrying the family is not exclusive to the philippines..Anyone who marrys should know there partners relationship with her family and what will be the expectation on both sides of the aisle..

You said it well…. “the people who think this helping the family and marrying the family is not exclusive to the philippines..Anyone who marrys should know there partners relationship with her family and what will be the expectation on both sides of the aisle.” And I add before marriage or engage possible issues must be discussed. The issue of a woman working and become independent, must be agreed earlier. Usually women like to feel we have our own and do things from our own ability and effort,it's normal.When hubby gives me allowance I am happy to feel that I have my own money,that I manage and budget for the things that hubby agrees too.Marriage is not this is yours and this is mine..though they couple both have a job.And telling the money is mine ,I do what I want is not that bad for as long as it’s doesn’t ruin the marriage.

 

 

 

Ps..I would like to think that Most parents in the philipines would just be happy their daughter is Well provided for, Loved, Respected and living a better life..and most of all Happy!!

Same words that I repeat to my parents and seem they understand that when they call me that is because they miss me,to say thanks for the money and not by asking more. When we contact each other they never forget to say hi to my husband and send their love from miles and appreciate him that with him my life is better and my eyes couldn’t become black-eyed once hubby and I face a quarrel (unlike Filipino couple) :lol:

 

Wishing everybody a happiness that comes from ones state of mind. ;)

 

                                                                           


Edited by melody, 16 December 2012 - 09:39 AM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 





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