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Issue with step-son and his soon to be wife


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#1 melody

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Posted 08 November 2017 - 07:09 PM

Hello guys! How are you?

 

Life was rough in the past few years for me and here I am back to post with another trial of my life! Thanks to the heaven that I still have the patience to hold on and to move on :( .

 

I would like to share my current experience so that I can have your critics ,idea and opinions.

 

Here comes...my  step-son has grown-up in height and by age .He changes a lot even towards me :( . He got his first love gf,second love and the third one will end into marriage. With his first girl who came to live with us,I tried to please them the best I can considering that she and my step-son were both young and they need to be trained well in life as they made me understood. His father didn’t really had a sympathy towards the girl,so some kind of pressure and issue existed among us. Sounded like the fault was given also to me as to why step-son and her broke-up.This was what my step-son told me. With his second girl,I promised myself to limit creating any kind of issue and even to approach his gf,have hugs etc,because I felt that I always end-up being hurt by them. Same as with this last girl that he has. As family,we go out sometimes,we eat together but I don’t really create a kind of friendship with her.I am waiting that she approach me for anything as she will be the one to live with us sooner and she will be the one who will adapt the situation. I don’t think of needing her anyway,coz I am an independent type for household chores and we will have a separate home.you

 

Two nights ago, I got a call from my step-son telling that he urgently need to speak with his dad who was not at home at that moment. Once he went back home,I gave a call to his son with the loudspeaker on ,as usual. He  emphasized by telling, “ Dad,is mama brainy? My girl found some photos of us together with my first gf in fb that mama is using, reason why my gf doesn’t want to live with me anymore nor to marry me!” His dad replied, “ I don’t know what you’re talking about,better you speak with mama to clear it up.” I was hurt when step-son told me,” What the heck of you!Why you still keep those photos of my ex as I knew that you don’t like her nor she is your friend? You should delete all those photos!” I said to him, “ What’s the issue,I don’t hate her and I love those photos for my memories.Anyway,those photos are not in your fb and why to give problems for those? She was your ex,your past experience. Even your dad has his past stories!”

 

I am really upset guys.It seems that the limit of my patience has reached. My husband scolded his son. With all the happenings,there’s no good atmosphere at home. I also sent a message to my step-son telling him that if his soon to be wife has an issue about those photos,she must contact me first and ask explanation before bursting out of anger.It seems that she is not an intelligent girl like the two girls that he had. I make him feel that his gf lost a good opportunity with me to be friends and I don’t think there will be a good start when she will come to live with us.

 

As of now,we don't communicate with each other and my heart is aching while i am waiting for the moment that she will come in our place to be my step-son's wife. I don't want to take any moves to ruin their marriage plan.

 

If you were in my situation,how could deal with it?

 

Ps. I hope that my English be understood


Edited by melody, 09 November 2017 - 11:06 AM.

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Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#2 Smitty91

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Posted 08 November 2017 - 09:47 PM

Sounds like there is a lot of insecurities in the family. If someone is willing to call off a relationship or potential marriage due to pictures on someone's Facebook account, then I suspect some deeper underlying issues within that relationship.

 

I understand your desire to relive those memories, but maybe there is something you can do within Facebook to "hide" those images from others. Change the privacy settings on the images possibly?


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#3 melody

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Posted 09 November 2017 - 11:04 AM

Sounds like there is a lot of insecurities in the family. If someone is willing to call off a relationship or potential marriage due to pictures on someone's Facebook account, then I suspect some deeper underlying issues within that relationship.

 

I am thinking the same way as you have in mind. I consider a nonsense to call off a relationship/marriage just because of those photos that are not in my step-son's fb account. I have many questions on my mind: Is the girl  jealous because it looked like i have a good relationship with ex gf of him while with her i don't even take any photo together? Is she jealous because she expected that she is the first girl to be kissed with him? Or is she just an immature and very young?

 

Anyway,to give a further information, she is a 18 years old from Moldova,a religious type,never been kissed and never been touched :wacko: . She seems to me a nice girl,silent type and she shows respect to the elders so as can be understood towards her dad. She can't really express with us because of the less english speaking skill. My step-son is 24 and has grown -up financially independent, he is a silent type too,he never shares to us his future plan until the time he surprises us (he is that way).

 

I understand your desire to relive those memories, but maybe there is something you can do within Facebook to "hide" those images from others. Change the privacy settings on the images possibly?

 

Telling the truth,i can't even imagine how i accepted her friend request to me.I woke-up in the morning,got an fb notification that i accepted her. How does Fb works? :blink:  A week later,i cancelled her friendship (is it bad?). My step-son asked me why knowing it from her gf. :o . I tried to modify something at my fb settings but seems only in the timeline i can hide from her. I'm not really good at tricks ^_^. But, i ask to myself,"why i should hide all those to her? What is my relation with those old photos to step-son's gf?

 

I am thinking that i will approach her about such matter when they got married. An opportunity will come for us to encounter.

 

I really feel bad guys this is why i posted her my "dirty-laundry" that could be happened too to anybody here.


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Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#4 MrkGrismer

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Posted 09 November 2017 - 01:27 PM

She is insecure. Seeing pictures of his former girl friends on his mother's facebook makes the current girl friend wonder if perhaps you like the former girl friend better than her, and if you might bring up the former girl friend as being 'better' than the current. Move those photos in an album titled something like "What is past is past, but the memories linger" and set the privacy settings to Custom, then choose the current girl friend as a person to EXCLUDE.

Edit: and maybe the son as well.


Edited by MrkGrismer, 09 November 2017 - 01:28 PM.

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#5 melody

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Posted 09 November 2017 - 05:51 PM

Move those photos in an album titled something like "What is past is past, but the memories linger" and set the privacy settings to Custom, then choose the current girl friend as a person to EXCLUDE.

Edit: and maybe the son as well.

 

For my step-son's tranquility,i immediately deleted all those photos the night he spoke with his dad and with me.

 

I hope that i did well the privacy settings as you indicated. I only excludes the girlfriend. Does fb send a notification to her? My heart says not to give a reason for me to be hated by son considering that i am using the fb of my mom (grandma) who is living with us too and with whom he has a wonderful relationship. I am worrying if the girl opens her eyes then she wonders why she can't see any of my posts at fb. Then she will ask about that to my step-son. Anger will be against me ,again.

 

They will be announcing their engagement the month of December at the party with their friends and we are already invited to join (both parents). We are unsure to attend.

 

This time,i am waiting just a word "Sorry" from my step-son but seems he doesn't care :(  . It feel hurt as a person who help him to grow-up well since he was 7 years old. I stand like a mother for him. We enjoyed a good relationship together but now we are like strangers. He respect less his dad too.

 

Do i need to stress myself guys about this matter?


Edited by melody, 09 November 2017 - 05:53 PM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#6 MrkGrismer

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Posted 10 November 2017 - 01:42 PM

Facebook does not send notifications to anyone when they are excluded from a privacy setting (or unfriended, or blocked). Only if they are tagged in a photo or post. You can set those settings on individual posts, individual photos in an album, on albums, or on certain sections of your facebook (such as your friends list, which I always recommend setting to Only Me).

Some amount of stress over stuff like this is natural, otherwise you would be heartless.


If you believe Modern Sporting Rifles have a legitimate use, please like, share and participate on: https://www.facebook...tamateSportsmen

http://www.uscis.gov...0004718190aRCRD
 

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USCIS Response: Customers should notify the Director of their local office when they have a complaint about a civil surgeon.


#7 rbacon

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Posted 11 November 2017 - 03:07 AM

Melody,

 

One often finds irrational negativity between stepchildren and their stepmothers, and is especially painful to Filipinas from whom I have heard about this.  

 

--Ray B



#8 melody

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Posted 12 November 2017 - 03:07 PM

Facebook does not send notifications to anyone when they are excluded from a privacy setting (or unfriended, or blocked). Only if they are tagged in a photo or post. You can set those settings on individual posts, individual photos in an album, on albums, or on certain sections of your facebook (such as your friends list, which I always recommend setting to Only Me).

Some amount of stress over stuff like this is natural, otherwise you would be heartless.

 

Thanks Sir Mark for the infos and advice.

 

I hope i can still handle all what i am experiencing with step-son..i would not like to be heartless at the end. :(


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#9 melody

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Posted 12 November 2017 - 03:22 PM

Melody,

 

One often finds irrational negativity between stepchildren and their stepmothers, and is especially painful to Filipinas from whom I have heard about this.  

 

--Ray B

 

Rarely seen if stepchildren and stepmothers enjoy all the way a good relationship. I am of those i can consider lucky because i was loved and felt love by stepson in the early stage of his life.Now that he grown-up,he changes a lot :( . I believe that a stepmom can really feel the pain being treated like a "s*** " at the end  unlike the biological mother. Isn't? Is there somebody here who can understand my feeling? I mean it's more hurtful for us stepmoms who stand like a mother in good and in the bad time. We are not obligated to do so but we do care because of moral aspect in life. Just like we adopt a child then the child grown-up and look for where she/he belongs to (biological parents). It's painful.

 

I hope there are stepmoms out there who can relate their feelings too.

 

Thanks rbacon for sharing your thoughts..i appreciate.


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 





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