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5 years married to pinay: my experience


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#1 buangkano

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Posted 01 January 2013 - 01:31 AM

Right now, I have cuts and bruises all over my neck from where my wife tried to strangle me, a bruised stomach where she kicked me, and a thumb that still aches from when she tried to break it.

What prompted all of this?

Well, I came home from work early today without much of an appetite. She wanted me to eat, I declined. Far be it for lowly scum such as myself to disobey the queen.

This has more or less been my life for the last five years. I don't know that I can take it anymore.

Things started out nice. At first she was incredibly sweet and wonderful to be around. Eventually that all started to change.

At this point the only time I am not treated like trash is when she is spending my money. In 5 years she hasn't event tried to get a job of her own, and who can blame her? I've done everything from working 2 jobs to working 70 hours a week to keep up with her spending, and all she does is demand more.

So far this year I've paid for everything from an 8,000 dollar vacation to a new louis vuitton purse, but it was silly of me to think that wouldn't mean more abuse.

I regularly come home from a 12 hour work day to hear about what a worthless, retarded, annoying and incompetant person I am.

Part of me feels stupid to have hung on this long, but she can still be very sweet when she wants to, and I have trouble accepting defeat.

This has been mostly just a rant, but I had to get some of this out.

#2 rbacon

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Posted 01 January 2013 - 03:50 AM

Buang Kano,

 

I feel for the pain you have gone through.  I had similar experiences with my first marriage of 13 years  (to a Mexican national), but finally put an end to it, and it has cost me about $300,000 to date (property settlement, spousal support -- not counting child support).

 

But everyone's experience with Filipinas (or any woman) is different.

 

My present  wife, who is Filipina, has worked from shortly after she arrived in the U.S. 22+ years ago.  When money was tight this year, she asked if she should try to find another job, since she just retired from her career of 20 years last March.  I told her no...she has done enough.

 

About 4 years ago she announced to me that we were going to Europe, and came up with the money, on her own, for a 14-day trip through 9 countries.

 

I can't count the ways she has enriched my life, and the pleasure I get from helping her in every way I can.  But I'm sort of ranting, also.

 

--Ray B

 

 

Right now, I have cuts and bruises all over my neck from where my wife tried to strangle me, a bruised stomach where she kicked me, and a thumb that still aches from when she tried to break it.

What prompted all of this?

Well, I came home from work early today without much of an appetite. She wanted me to eat, I declined. Far be it for lowly scum such as myself to disobey the queen.

This has more or less been my life for the last five years. I don't know that I can take it anymore.

Things started out nice. At first she was incredibly sweet and wonderful to be around. Eventually that all started to change.

At this point the only time I am not treated like trash is when she is spending my money. In 5 years she hasn't event tried to get a job of her own, and who can blame her? I've done everything from working 2 jobs to working 70 hours a week to keep up with her spending, and all she does is demand more.

So far this year I've paid for everything from an 8,000 dollar vacation to a new louis vuitton purse, but it was silly of me to think that wouldn't mean more abuse.

I regularly come home from a 12 hour work day to hear about what a worthless, retarded, annoying and incompetant person I am.

Part of me feels stupid to have hung on this long, but she can still be very sweet when she wants to, and I have trouble accepting defeat.

This has been mostly just a rant, but I had to get some of this out.



#3 MrIain

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Posted 01 January 2013 - 04:35 AM

I am sorry to say so, but this does not seem like the behaviour of a loving wife. She takes everything you give her, and seems to show you no love or respect in return. The physical violence is obviously unacceptable.

I have been with my asawa nearly three years, and she is the complete opposite of everything that you describe.

From what you say, I find it hard to believe that this situation could be turned around. As painful and expensive as it will be, I think getting divorced and moving on would be much better than continuing the way you are. The longer you delay, the bigger the hole that you are digging for yourself. You don't like to accept defeat, but staying in a miserable marriage looks like defeat to me. There are many good ladies out there, why spend any more of your life with one who treats you like trash?

I was in a marriage that had a lot of the same features as you describe (though not the physical violence), and I stuck with it far too long before getting out. The divorce cost me a lot of money and a great deal of stress. But I have no regrets about walking away, and it opened the way for me to meet my wonderful new wife.



#4 denterprise

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Posted 01 January 2013 - 10:48 PM

To stay in that relationship is defeat,so you better accept it and move on.  I will give you the same advice I would give to a woman in your situation, you need to plan your exit and then follow through.  You need to put your emotions aside and listen to your head.  No one should have to put up with abuse.  This is going to turn out badly if you stay in this dysfunctional relationship.  She will either hurt you really bad or you will lose your temper and seriously hurt her. 

 

Your wife does not respect you or see you as a man.  You are only a means to an end for her.  You are like a puppet on a string for this woman.  As soon as she feels you have had enough of her wicket ways, she will pore on the sweetness.  Once she has you back under her spell she will continue to suck the life out of you.  This is the same M.O we hear from battered women.  The man gets sweet again and then bam, the abuse starts back up.  This is the story of the ones luck enough to live report. 

 

Don’t be surprised if she has a boyfriend on the side.  I say don’t be surprised because this is what can cause a man to snap and do things that could cost him his freedom.   Don’t put your head in the sand, check it out and if she is document it and use it in court if it will help your case.  Retain an attorney now and get the best legal advice you can afford.    Once you get this woman out of your life you can begin to heal and then find a true woman that will love you the right way.


God is Good all the time


Dave

#5 melody

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Posted 02 January 2013 - 08:26 AM

Right now, I have cuts and bruises all over my neck from where my wife tried to strangle me, a bruised stomach where she kicked me, and a thumb that still aches from when she tried to break it.

What prompted all of this?

Well, I came home from work early today without much of an appetite. She wanted me to eat, I declined. Far be it for lowly scum such as myself to disobey the queen.

This has more or less been my life for the last five years. I don't know that I can take it anymore.

Things started out nice. At first she was incredibly sweet and wonderful to be around. Eventually that all started to change.

At this point the only time I am not treated like trash is when she is spending my money. In 5 years she hasn't event tried to get a job of her own, and who can blame her? I've done everything from working 2 jobs to working 70 hours a week to keep up with her spending, and all she does is demand more.

So far this year I've paid for everything from an 8,000 dollar vacation to a new louis vuitton purse, but it was silly of me to think that wouldn't mean more abuse.

I regularly come home from a 12 hour work day to hear about what a worthless, retarded, annoying and incompetant person I am.

Part of me feels stupid to have hung on this long, but she can still be very sweet when she wants to, and I have trouble accepting defeat.

This has been mostly just a rant, but I had to get some of this out.

I am not here to judge but I’m trying to use my senses…as everyone of us has its own. My views on your situation may be different than others here. Reading your thread makes me confused and I’m not totally convinced of all what you wrote. Forgive me..maybe I’m wrong but allow me to ask you ..… Are you really a male and sure of yourself that you are honest enough sharing your own experience here?

 

Marriage takes two but the other side of the coin (your pinay wife) we haven’t  heard yet. You know the first line you wrote create me an impression that your pinay wife is really violent woman huh ……strangle you,kicked you and break your thumb. Is she bigger than you? I imagine she is not a petite pinay like me. How I wish I could do all those to my hubby when behaves badly.

 

About working …hmmmmmmmmmm. Majority of us pinay going abroad are hard-working specially when we raise a family. But that pinay wife of you seems to be out of the rule in the world of Filipinas huh.

 

How I can’t emagine a pinay wife who has a worthy,advance,enjoyable,competent husband and whose life is similar of that of a Queen…staying at home,waiting the husband’s return a home, spending money as she likes or more unmention by you…can do such badness to you! :blink:

 

Just my observation without the whole picture of your story. It is not my intention to offend you. We are in a public forum so you could expect something different.


Edited by melody, 02 January 2013 - 08:28 AM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#6 MrkGrismer

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Posted 02 January 2013 - 01:38 PM

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

 

http://www.thehotline.org/


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#7 melody

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Posted 02 January 2013 - 07:08 PM

National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224.

 

http://www.thehotline.org/

That was i forgot to mention in my previous post ( file for domestic violence)...Why buangkano don't you call this hotline for domestoc violence..? Usually women are victims but in your case let see it the contrary..you are in your country and you possibly know how to take moves huh.


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#8 James in Austin Tx

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Posted 05 January 2013 - 12:23 AM

Its only my opinion but I suspect there may be a number of "one-sided' pinay/kano marriages out there that are on the brink. The age diff and female peer pressure in the states is enough alone to cause major issues not to mention other sides where the husband is the cause of marriage stress. Its sad because I know there are good pinays here I have met that seem great, its just some of us guys or gals end up with the wrong partner. Not knowing both sides to the story but having witnessed ice cold compassion/interest on my finances and money outlay, I know his story probably has some vaild points. I am not siding with the whole thing seeing as we only know the one side but my suggestion is immediate counseling to see if there is a chance anything can be fixed there.. Good Luck, God Bless..



#9 John C

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 04:38 PM

I guess the question is which is worse? 

The life you have now or the small army of skeptics who knew all along you were an idiot to marry a "mail order bride"  that you will have to face if you end this thing.  Crazy bitches are found the world around.  There's no monopoly on them in an region.  If there's no kids involved then it's time for you to fly.  None of us can turn the hour glass over. That goes for you too James.  You've been publicly discontented with your situation as long as I've been a member here.  Isn't it time to fish or cut bait?

 

JC

 







#10 James in Austin Tx

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Posted 16 January 2013 - 07:58 PM

That line is cut, thank you ; )

I met another pinay thats been here for 7 years after the final split and a totally 180 degree from my ex.. It was not planned but after a month and a half its surprisingly fun again.. Best part of this is she is here and I have plenty of time to get to know her first... It was a shocker as it was totally unplanned.. We will see.. Good luck God Bless to all...



#11 Thetimewillcome

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Posted 16 January 2013 - 11:17 PM

That line is cut, thank you ; )
I met another pinay thats been here for 7 years after the final split and a totally 180 degree from my ex.. It was not planned but after a month and a half its surprisingly fun again.. Best part of this is she is here and I have plenty of time to get to know her first... It was a shocker as it was totally unplanned.. We will see.. Good luck God Bless to all...


Ok, spill the beans James.

October 2010- Met online
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#12 Just Ask Kuya

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 10:14 PM

Buangkano,

I am very sorry for your plight and horrible situation you are living. You are living with a psychopath, no doubts about it!
 

In fact since I began courting my Filipina wife , I learned of two filipina woman who sought foreigner wives, they both being the sisters to my wife. Her sister now is currently dating a Swedish man, who she is using for a free holiday in Palawan. She is so kind to him, making love to him, kissing him etc, but behind his back is hating him, calling him fat Lechon, she is carrying his child, and when she returns to Sweden, she plans to leave him, and either abort the child, or get child support from him. It is all a deliberate plan. She is a truly evil person. She is the most greedy woman I know, and she lack compassion and empathy. She has an unsatiable lust for GOLD, and money. I feel very sorry for this man, he really is oblivious to the situation he is in.
Their older sister did the exact same, and now she is living in Sweden with a husband, whom she physically and emotionally abuses, and beats. She has threatened to kill him, she beats her two daughters, and all she cares about is the wealth of her husband. She wants more and more and more. Her husband wanted a divorce but she said "I will only give you a divorce if you buy me a house in America". I feel sorry for her children as they are the saddest kids I have ever met.

 

One must be VERY careful when you are dealing with some of these filipinas seeking foreign husbands. In all my life I have never met a more selfish and greedy society as that in the PH, and all covered up with a smile and dishonesty. It literally is "Every man for himself". They would trample their kuya for two for one sandles on sale.

 

I will pray for you buangkano. You are not dealing with a normal person, you are dealing with a psychopath. Just because she is your wife, does not mean she has the right to beat you. You may need to teach her a lesson and involve the authoritys next time she attacks. Try to get evidence, video, audio etc.

 

If you are at all a God fearing man, then seek God and pray for his help in your situation.



#13 Asia H.

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Posted 18 January 2013 - 06:09 AM

I knew a pinay like what you describe, it's unbelievable to believed but sometimes it exist. We pinay can't deny that others of our kind is a user. The husband put up for 9years but he was so sorry what the wife cause him, she spend money like crazy,start for a fight with no reason, it's not doubtful for me to believed that she was wrong she got pregnant with other man after 3years of their marriage,because of her husband love for her he accepted the child and continue their life together,she done good for couple of months and start the crop she's doing for another 6years until the husband finally realized how he put up with all her lies. The husband work 12hrs a day 6days a week making enough money but every bit of it she spend with nothing to show up credit cards are drained with overdraft on bank account. The husband finally woke up and got divorce,he found out the wife was chasing all kind of guys,and had pictures as a evidence for court so the wife got nothing,even a child support she didn't get because the child was not his,hes white and the kid was black so even a DNA was not needed,their house,car whatever they had,she got none. I was sorry for her,it's her lost. Now she was running around on different boyfriend just to have a place to lived. Im just sharing this because as a filipina i couldnt believed theres someone actually can do abuse their man, i thought only a man can do it. I hope you can accept,and be strong to deal on your problem wisely. Good luck.

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#14 melody

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Posted 18 January 2013 - 04:32 PM

Oh my goodness..seems that I need to learn more  from you Asia H. and just ask kuya and learn from your post that kind of extraterrestrial happening in life. I have seen lots of injustice, cruelty and inhuman behaviour…but this type of Filipinas I have never seen yet. But Still  I can’t  understand that a man in their own country can’t stop this kind of treatment from the Filipina wife. How powerful we are women huh! So I think to believe in the Italian saying that “ Le donne sanno più  del diavolo” ( women know more than the devil/satan)


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#15 GregOry

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Posted 20 January 2013 - 01:45 AM

 But Still  I can’t  understand that a man in their own country can’t stop this kind of treatment from the Filipina wife.

When you start talking about physical abuse most countries are "women's" countries.  Let's take the case of a 6 foot man, very strong & athletic but prefers not to raise a had to a woman - vs - 5 foot 3 inch woman, also in great shape but doesn't mind taking cheap shots when the man doesn't expect it (like sleeping).  Consider that calling authorities or hotlines is viewed as a weakness by the man AND largely on the 'helpful' end they don't have experience dealing with a situation like that.  There are also other considerations, such as appearances matter in some professions and who wants their career ruined when that may be the only good thing left?  The woman can start a fight, then call authorities and say the man started it.  Who do you think will be believed? 

 

Fact or fiction?  FACT - Several people were 'hurt' in the making of this story.

 

There are actions to take but largely for the 'reversed situation' from the normal it is VERY difficult.  In the case above a marriage councilor, priest, psychological counselor & eventually lawyers were involved.  Police were involved also, but they were negatively effective.  It was a long and painful process that finally ended in divorce.  I only share all this so good folks like melody might be a little less astonished at the 'power' of the 'weaker' sex.  To all readers: Please don't use any of this information to learn how to abuse a spouse!!! It just is NOT the right thing to do!

 

For everyone's consideration I must say:  Every day we all have to take our situation into account and decide if it is time to do anything or not.  Best of luck to all in everything you do.

 

Greg :D

btw: I am in no way disagreeing with anything that melody or any other poster said in this thread.


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