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Ex-wife’s visit at home

how can you deal with it?

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#1 melody

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Posted 09 November 2014 - 06:41 PM

Breaking the silent of the Wof with my family breaking news.

 

What can you say? Is there more pleasure to have mother-in-law’s visit or an ex-wife’s visit at home? Hmm not sure which to choose  :lol:  Well,well,well the pleasure is ours if we really enjoy their presense,let me say this way. <_<

 

This life huh full of surprises..for sometimes in the future,I think to welcome at my home the ex-wife of my husband with whom I share a good relationship but we are not really close with each other.We just say ‘’Hi & how’s life ‘’once we meet and some phone calls for medical consultation. Lately,during this year,brought by the death of my mom-in-law, most relatives gather together and this served like an open-door for the ex-wife. Nothing more to say with her in the last dinner we shared,so husband’s head lead him to  invite her in our place that she never have been since she lives miles away from us and then stay with us for some days. I had no time to contradict as i don’t find any reason to oppose. Sounds weird that the ex-wife comes for a visit & stay huh. Not sure if anybody here in Wof experience the same thing.

 

The purpose of exposing my spotted-laundry is to put any wife in my own shoes. How will I behave during the ex-wife’s stay at home? If I were her,I have no face to face :lol: nor think of an idea for just a short visit.  I think there will be awkward moments being together at home just because I’m the ex-wife. Don’t you think?

 

Let me clear you guys that no worries involve for me that hubby and ex-wife will be lovers again. One thing bothers me that I  don’t know how to entertain her for the first time in my life. I feel that it’s not nice to argue this thing with my husband nor to create an issue,this is just me.

 

I hope there will be no visit at all nor from the taxes collector. :lol:

 

 

 


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Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#2 saccharine

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Posted 11 November 2014 - 01:09 AM

How brave of you..and how insensitive of your husband without asking you first if its okay that his ex stays for a few days, plus how inconsiderate of this ex wife to agree to stay without even asking you if you are okay with the idea. If this happens to me it will be a very big issue... I will kick them both out of the house hehehehehehe :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:



#3 rbacon

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Posted 11 November 2014 - 01:49 AM

How brave of you..and how insensitive of your husband without asking you first if its okay that his ex stays for a few days, plus how inconsiderate of this ex wife to agree to stay without even asking you if you are okay with the idea. If this happens to me it will be a very big issue... I will kick them both out of the house hehehehehehe :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Melody,

 

Yep, very brave.  My Filipina wife of 24 years would give me a choice:  the street with my ex-wife or without my ex-wife.

 

--Ray B



#4 James in Austin Tx

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Posted 11 November 2014 - 06:41 PM

Oh yaaa Im with Ray on this one...



#5 melody

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Posted 11 November 2014 - 06:57 PM

Saccharine and Ray B and you James in Austin Tx on this one  :lol:  thanks for commenting .

 

You guys made me think that you have reasons for sure why you stated that way. I am ready to hear you specify to me why such “How brave of you” describe me or the situation. As a result,do you think that anything wrong could happen  during  ex-wife’s stay? Your critics are very much welcome.

 

Hubby rushed into his mind without asking me first. He possibly felt that it’s gonna be fine knowing and seeing that i and his ex-wife are in good relationship. Being his wife I don’t find him insensitive as for myself don’t find yet any issue about it. I might say it is more for the ex-wife the sensitiveness that she should think of the inconvenience having her visit and stay at home.Isn't?  I just feel uncomfortable on how to deal with her for the first time though i and her have some kind of "friendship".

 

Odd thing in my marital-life huh. What a patience!


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#6 Fritz

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Posted 11 November 2014 - 10:29 PM

I think they are commenting on how they feel their wives would react if they did what your hubby did :D

I can understand his doing it as you do have a relationship with the ex and I hope she understands that she is now an old friend and that you are the wife. If that is not the case then this could turn into one of those tragic romantic comedies, which is what the new wife usually assumes until it is all over and turned out well.

God Bless
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know it when you see it and
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#7 saccharine

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Posted 12 November 2014 - 02:58 AM

Melody, I wasn't even contemplating about what's gonna  happen during the ex wife's stay . My main issue  ( my own opinion only ) is about that decision of letting the ex stays without asking you first. Even if you're best of friends with the ex, still you deserve to be part of the decision making , you live in that house and you are his wife, thats just plain respect to the queen bee  :P . This is only my view of the matter, and Im not insisting my opinions unto  you, Im just expressing my views if I happen to be in your shoes :D ..



#8 Keith Johnson

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Posted 12 November 2014 - 04:07 AM

Put her to work immediately:  washing dishes, vacuuming, taking out trash, even cleaning the bathrooms.



#9 rbacon

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Posted 12 November 2014 - 07:06 AM

Melody, I wasn't even contemplating about what's gonna  happen during the ex wife's stay . My main issue  ( my own opinion only ) is about that decision of letting the ex stays without asking you first. Even if you're best of friends with the ex, still you deserve to be part of the decision making , you live in that house and you are his wife, thats just plain respect to the queen bee  :P . This is only my view of the matter, and Im not insisting my opinions unto  you, Im just expressing my views if I happen to be in your shoes :D ..

If I told my wife (Filipina of 24 years) that my ex (Mexican of 13 years) was going to stay with us for a few days, my clothes would be on the front yard within an hour.

 

--Ray B



#10 melody

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 05:08 AM

If I told my wife (Filipina of 24 years) that my ex (Mexican of 13 years) was going to stay with us for a few days, my clothes would be on the front yard within an hour.

 

--Ray B

:lol: :P

 

Brave you were  if you told your wife about it...

 

Is that your wife's reaction because she is jealous,she and ex don't create any kind of "Frienship" or just because ex is an ex and that closes there?


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Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#11 melody

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 05:11 AM

Put her to work immediately:  washing dishes, vacuuming, taking out trash, even cleaning the bathrooms.

 

Hahaaaa.. i'm too serious that i never thought of these householdchores. Nice one Keith !

She will be my housemaid without salary as the meal and accomodation are free.


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#12 melody

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 05:26 AM

Melody, I wasn't even contemplating about what's gonna  happen during the ex wife's stay . My main issue  ( my own opinion only ) is about that decision of letting the ex stays without asking you first. Even if you're best of friends with the ex, still you deserve to be part of the decision making , you live in that house and you are his wife, thats just plain respect to the queen bee  :P . This is only my view of the matter, and Im not insisting my opinions unto  you, Im just expressing my views if I happen to be in your shoes :D ..

 

I understand your point of view.

 

Surely i deserve to be a part of decision of making. For some times in life, there are things that are suddenly spoken without even thinking and this is certainly happens to many. You pointed out in your previous post that my husband should ask me first. If he ask me that moment infront of his ex-wife as his respect to me,how could i say NO? I expected that time that ex's answer was "No Thanks" but many says refusing any invitation is a badluck :unsure:

 

There are many cases that hubby asked his bee queen's opinion, like "what if....if we take my sicked mamma (mom-inlaw) to live with us?". That was a hard choice.

 

After the dinner with ex,i only asked hubby if ex-wife will really come at home. He took it easy by telling " huh she will never come, she is to be busy with her profession,one of the reasons why we divorced." <_< But this Melody continous to think of the possibility of her visit considering that times come to any aged person to reminisce the past relationship. Isn't?


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#13 melody

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 05:32 AM

I think they are commenting on how they feel their wives would react if they did what your hubby did :D

I can understand his doing it as you do have a relationship with the ex and I hope she understands that she is now an old friend and that you are the wife. If that is not the case then this could turn into one of those tragic romantic comedies, which is what the new wife usually assumes until it is all over and turned out well.

God Bless
Fritz

 

I hope we just turn into comedians without creating any tragedy :lol:

 

As far as i know there's not yet any movie that speak all about "tragic romantic comedies" among husband,wife and ex for the ex's return so might be good to make one :lol:

 

I hope this everything is all over and the game is over on that last dinner and so everything goes out well.

 

Thanks :)


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Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#14 rbacon

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 12:39 PM

Melody,

 

My wife would make it very clear that we are now married and that there is no longer any place in our relationship for an ex-wife.

 

--Ray B

:lol: :P

 

Brave you were  if you told your wife about it...

 

Is that your wife's reaction because she is jealous,she and ex don't create any kind of "Frienship" or just because ex is an ex and that closes there?



#15 melody

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Posted 13 November 2014 - 06:22 PM

Melody,

 

My wife would make it very clear that we are now married and that there is no longer any place in our relationship for an ex-wife.

 

--Ray B

 

Wow....i do believe that every couple is unique and that every husband and wife has its own principles.

 

Maybe the fault is mine that i don't tell such thing like your wife did for the very first time that i am hubby met ..sad

 

Thank you very much for your sincerity Ray B


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#16 saccharine

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Posted 14 November 2014 - 12:29 AM

 

I understand your point of view.

 

Surely i deserve to be a part of decision of making. For some times in life, there are things that are suddenly spoken without even thinking and this is certainly happens to many. You pointed out in your previous post that my husband should ask me first. If he ask me that moment infront of his ex-wife as his respect to me,how could i say NO? I expected that time that ex's answer was "No Thanks" but many says refusing any invitation is a badluck :unsure:

 

There are many cases that hubby asked his bee queen's opinion, like "what if....if we take my sicked mamma (mom-inlaw) to live with us?". That was a hard choice.

 

After the dinner with ex,i only asked hubby if ex-wife will really come at home. He took it easy by telling " huh she will never come, she is to be busy with her profession,one of the reasons why we divorced." <_< But this Melody continous to think of the possibility of her visit considering that times come to any aged person to reminisce the past relationship. Isn't?

Melody, If my husband ask me about this , my first answer would be " WHAT?", and he would repeat the question again , and i would reply " SAY WHAT?" and of course he would repeat it again and I would answer " ARE YOU ON DRUGS?"  :lol: :lol: :lol:  ...and if he explain things to make it sound right, then thats the time when I will put his clothes in the front yard within an hour  ( as what Sir Ray had stated)... :D ..

 

Sick mama situation I would gladly take care of her, we had discussed this too and I promised my husband I have no problem with this and I will personally take care of her, but this was okay with me because my mother in law and I had a good relationship, we are not that close but she loves me she said and that my  husband thinks he was her  favorite son ( MIL i consider family but not exes :lol: :lol: :lol: )..It will be a hard choice for others if there's no good relationship with MIL. Anyway, with topics about exes , they should think about " delicadeza" .  And what about if the situation was reverse that you were the ex, would you really agree on staying believing about the bad luck idea? Or what if its your ex and you invited him to stay at your house, without asking your hubby, would he be so accommodating to agree to it?



#17 melody

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Posted 14 November 2014 - 05:39 PM

Melody, If my husband ask me about this , my first answer would be " WHAT?", and he would repeat the question again , and i would reply " SAY WHAT?" and of course he would repeat it again and I would answer " ARE YOU ON DRUGS?"   ...and if he explain things to make it sound right, then thats the time when I will put his clothes in the front yard within an hour  ( as what Sir Ray had stated)...

 

I think the survey is right. That how women are…WHAT/ SAY WHAT ,pretending to misunderstand or pretending to be deaf though they hear those things well … :lol:

 

But are those really,what/say what & are you on drugs can you say infront of the ex-wife’s face? Brave of you! That would really a scandal in the public at the restaurant while having a dinner.

 

I hope your hubby's clothes are few for you to work less putting his clothes infront of the backyard,don't forget the undies too :lol:

 

. Anyway, with topics about exes , they should think about " delicadeza" .  And what about if the situation was reverse that you were the ex, would you really agree on staying believing about the bad luck idea? Or what if its your ex and you invited him to stay at your house, without asking your hubby, would he be so accommodating to agree to it?

 

Sweet delicacy …..we often forget that mostly to the ex and mom-inlaw depend on what level our closeness with them. I would relate “delicadeza” to “common sense” that we people mostly lack. Am I wrong? Bohhh head is confused.

 

You gave me a hard time to find out a million dollar answer to such reverse situation. Huh my  sweat :lol: . I think to involve husband’s personalities and characters. My answer is…..NO, he is enough jealous for the imaginary eccess :lol:  I mean exesssssss since the first time we met. I myself wouldn’t allow my ex to invite hubby, I should say directly “ please go to the mental hospital,you need to be cured”. I think it’s more on one’s personality the acceptance of this type of situation and the sensitiveness to say instantly “ NO,THANKS…I can’t even find a time for shopping,so busy I am” if I was the ex. I’m not a  “kapal mukha” ( thick face) to face though I have a thick skin in many life’s trials. Besides, I myself don’t believe in bad luck, it is just a hearsay of people.

 

I really hope that his ex finds uncomfortable her visit. I should convince myself that i am only dreaming or have a nightmare and when i open my eyes i see my ex ,not his ex hahaaaa joking.

 

Very much thankful for your opinion. :) It serve as a reflection

 


Edited by melody, 15 November 2014 - 05:10 PM.

"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 


#18 saccharine

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Posted 15 November 2014 - 02:07 AM

Its not really pretending to be deaf , just wanna make sure what the hubby is saying, cause it will come as a shock to me. And yes I would definitely say that in front of the ex, I'm just honest with my feelings that its not okay, and its already a scandal to my ears during the time hubby blurted out the invitation, so the ex should get the hint and excuse herself and run hahahahaha...That is my script hehehehe .  Melody our personality is pretty different so I dont expec't you to understand my standpoint, from what I can gather about you from reading your post, you are a nice person, friendly, and Im not surprise about your behavior on this matter.

Hey what about constantly kissing your hubby whenever the ex is around, that will surely make her uncomfortable hahahahaha, just kidding :P :D :lol: ..



#19 rbacon

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Posted 15 November 2014 - 02:53 AM

My ex, who is a Mexican national, lives just a few miles away.  A couple of times a year she has to drop by for a signature or to have me look at her tax return, and she often brings us tamales as a courtesy.  My wife politiely offers her some of the fish she is eating, from the carcass on the table, with at least one of the eyes gone, and the ex politely refuses.  About the only edible they both have in common is "menudo," but only from a trusted restaurant, and they both tend to get sick after eating it.

 

Anyway,  it is fairly obvious to both of them that the ex does not plan and my Pinay does not want her in our house more time than it takes to finish any business for which she came.

 

An irony of this civil relationship is that my wife early on insisted that she write and mail the monthly alimony check (which goes on till one of us goes to Paradise), and I've never understood her insistence on that.  It might be because when I was late in paying one month early in our current marriage, the ex banged on our bedroom window, wanting to know where her monthly alimony was.

 

-Ray B

Its not really pretending to be deaf , just wanna make sure what the hubby is saying, cause it will come as a shock to me. And yes I would definitely say that in front of the ex, I'm just honest with my feelings that its not okay, and its already a scandal to my ears during the time hubby blurted out the invitation, so the ex should get the hint and excuse herself and run hahahahaha...That is my script hehehehe .  Melody our personality is pretty different so I dont expec't you to understand my standpoint, from what I can gather about you from reading your post, you are a nice person, friendly, and Im not surprise about your behavior on this matter.

Hey what about constantly kissing your hubby whenever the ex is around, that will surely make her uncomfortable hahahahaha, just kidding :P :D :lol: ..



#20 melody

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Posted 15 November 2014 - 05:09 PM

Its not really pretending to be deaf , just wanna make sure what the hubby is saying, cause it will come as a shock to me. And yes I would definitely say that in front of the ex, I'm just honest with my feelings that its not okay, and its already a scandal to my ears during the time hubby blurted out the invitation, so the ex should get the hint and excuse herself and run hahahahaha...That is my script hehehehe

 

OMG….you’re enough honest with your feelings that you are ready to burst out of angry in the public to anyone’s eyes :unsure: . That would really a romantic tragedy. :lol:

 

Melody our personality is pretty different so I dont expec't you to understand my standpoint, from what I can gather about you from reading your post, you are a nice person, friendly, and Im not surprise about your behavior on this matter.

 

Thanks for observing  my qualities but No..No..don’t think that I am all the way nice. I have my limitations too. I just want to treat people nice as long as they are nice to me. With ex-wife I don’t find her as a threaten yet as we develope some kind of friendship. From the time she takes advantage (other people) of me,I know how to be a devil too but I prefer to do it in an educated manner.

 

As you told my personality is pretty different than yours,you prefer to be really expressive even in a crowd if that you really mean what you told here. I may not understand that but I really get your reaction putting you in my own shoes.

 

Hey what about constantly kissing your hubby whenever the ex is around, that will surely make her uncomfortable hahahahaha, just kidding

 

Hey....if that kissing would be so constant whenever the ex is around, i think hubby could tell me " ARE YOU ON DRUGS , DO YOU HAVE A FEVER or ARE YOU PREGNANT? " :lol:  Anyway , ill try to be sweater and kisser :lol: when infront of the ex B)

 

I find you as an interesting person and I surely enjoy to exchange thoughts with you. :)


"Knowledge is a source of power that develope one's social,moral and sritual ability!

Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not.....
 





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