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#1 Flyingdevildog

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 12:49 AM

First let me say thank you to all the nice people here.
Your posts and insight have been helpful.

Because of my work I have not been able to go and visit the Philippines.
I did meet someone on one of the dating sites and we had been talking for a long time,
(try 3 years) and I had helped her with stuff, not a lot but some.
any way she said she had gotten her passport, and the visa to come here, even sent me pictures of them.
She just need the plane fare, OK, I guess I can do this,(please understand there is more to this than what I have just posted, it's just to long to get into it.
So she was to arrive in Chicago on the 11 of April. On the 7 of April she tell me that her father need an operation, and that she is torn, that she wants to come be with me, and helping her father.
I asked her where is his family, and why they can't help.
Well long story short, she gave the money to her father and did not make it here.

Now I am feeling like a fool, She has no way of making up the money that she gave away and I have no more to give.

I feel used, and I feel like I have been lied to.

So it's over between us. But the sad part is that I'm not sure if I can trust another filipina again.

So I will say Good Bye.
I have enjoyed the forum, you got a good group here.

Dawg
I have taken a vow of poverty.
to annoy me just send money.

#2 Mr. Lee

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 01:43 AM

First let me say thank you to all the nice people here.
Your posts and insight have been helpful.

Because of my work I have not been able to go and visit the Philippines.
I did meet someone on one of the dating sites and we had been talking for a long time,
(try 3 years) and I had helped her with stuff, not a lot but some.
any way she said she had gotten her passport, and the visa to come here, even sent me pictures of them.
She just need the plane fare, OK, I guess I can do this,(please understand there is more to this than what I have just posted, it's just to long to get into it.
So she was to arrive in Chicago on the 11 of April. On the 7 of April she tell me that her father need an operation, and that she is torn, that she wants to come be with me, and helping her father.
I asked her where is his family, and why they can't help.
Well long story short, she gave the money to her father and did not make it here.

Now I am feeling like a fool, She has no way of making up the money that she gave away and I have no more to give.

I feel used, and I feel like I have been lied to.

So it's over between us. But the sad part is that I'm not sure if I can trust another filipina again.

So I will say Good Bye.
I have enjoyed the forum, you got a good group here.

Dawg


You are wrong to give up on Filipinas because of what one has done to you. Also IMHO you should have sent a plane ticket and not the money because family will always come first and if it is true that her father needed an operation, how can you think a visit to you would take priority over her fathers life. While it also could be just a scam, I will say the same thing I always say, no one should send any large amounts of money to a person who they have never met. If a person wishes to pay for load or internet time, so be it and just consider that money spent on dating that we would have spent dating in our own country anyway, but sending large amounts of money to anyone who has possibly never had a large amount of money in their hands before MAY cause it to be used for a different reason. Also I have known relationships that worked out when a man sent large amounts of money, so I do not wish anyone to think I am looking down on them for doing so, just IMO the odds are against it working that way.

My advice to you before cutting her off would be to ask for the hospital and doctors contact info and find out if her father did in fact need that operation and what it was and how much it cost. If it is true, then I am not sure how you can be mad but I can fully understand how you are upset over it. Life comes first and so does family, would you not wish her to take care of you, how she took care of her father, by making family a priority.

Many men try to cut corners and not visit, how can a man know a person he never met. Would we date someone in our own country the same way and send money to them and never meet them and then expect them to be all we hope and pray they seem to be. If we would not do it at home, why do we do it to someone on the other end of the world.

The lady may have scammed you to help her father, or she may have just scammed you or she may have had the best intentions and her fathers health got in the way. Also forgeries in the Philippines is an art, so her showing you the visa means nothing because anything can be bought for a price and it is easy to scan and copy and change names and details on anything nowadays.

I too had to wait three years due to working a job while running two businesses and IMO anything worth having (a great relationship and marriage) is worth waiting for and I do not mean it to sound like a wife is a possession.

Find out if it was true for your own satisfaction that you were not scammed or sort of scammed for good reasons.

Edited by Mr. Lee, 22 April 2012 - 01:46 AM.

Retired, happily married since 94 & live part time in Cebu City and the rest of the time in Florida, USA.


#3 Fritz

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 03:03 AM

First let me say thank you to all the nice people here.
Your posts and insight have been helpful.

Because of my work I have not been able to go and visit the Philippines.
I did meet someone on one of the dating sites and we had been talking for a long time,
(try 3 years) and I had helped her with stuff, not a lot but some.
any way she said she had gotten her passport, and the visa to come here, even sent me pictures of them.
She just need the plane fare, OK, I guess I can do this,(please understand there is more to this than what I have just posted, it's just to long to get into it.
So she was to arrive in Chicago on the 11 of April. On the 7 of April she tell me that her father need an operation, and that she is torn, that she wants to come be with me, and helping her father.
I asked her where is his family, and why they can't help.
Well long story short, she gave the money to her father and did not make it here.

Now I am feeling like a fool, She has no way of making up the money that she gave away and I have no more to give.

I feel used, and I feel like I have been lied to.

So it's over between us. But the sad part is that I'm not sure if I can trust another filipina again.

So I will say Good Bye.
I have enjoyed the forum, you got a good group here.

Dawg

So it's over between us. But the sad part is that I'm not sure if I can trust another filipina human again.

There corrected that statement for you. Start again and make sure you are prepared to make the time to go to see the gal who steals your heart. Even if you can only get a week off, that is 4 to 5 days in Philippines to see and talk to your chosen lady.

The "I have a visa & just need money for a plane ticket" is one scam that is repeated on every site offering advice on how to avoid scammers. It does not matter if they are in Russia (the most commonly mentioned for this scam) or Philippines...if it is a scam then it is being done by a person, not a country. Remember that a scammer is a human being who is able to tell a convincing story that leads to the audience giving them money. Be very careful as you will meet these scammers on US dating sites, in the supermarket, on the bus ... churches are especially popular with scammers since they can count on people letting their guard down when dealing with someone who has "really strong faith".

For a bit of perspective, remember that scammer is a relatively recent usage. The general type is still normally called a con artist, confidence trickster or con man.

Keep on truckin'
Fritz

Edited by Fritz, 22 April 2012 - 03:04 AM.

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#4 James in Austin Tx

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 04:44 AM

Agreed with all said here - dont give up, there ARE some great filipinas.. There is only 2 visas I ever hear of and both hard to get - work (RN nurse, etc) or visitors (wealthy usually only ) so not knowing what else was going on, that would have been my red flag. second os not going there to meet and I understand if finances prevented you from that.. Its done its past, just keep the chin up and move forward and dont give up..



So it's over between us. But the sad part is that I'm not sure if I can trust another filipina human again.

There corrected that statement for you. Start again and make sure you are prepared to make the time to go to see the gal who steals your heart. Even if you can only get a week off, that is 4 to 5 days in Philippines to see and talk to your chosen lady.

The "I have a visa & just need money for a plane ticket" is one scam that is repeated on every site offering advice on how to avoid scammers. It does not matter if they are in Russia (the most commonly mentioned for this scam) or Philippines...if it is a scam then it is being done by a person, not a country. Remember that a scammer is a human being who is able to tell a convincing story that leads to the audience giving them money. Be very careful as you will meet these scammers on US dating sites, in the supermarket, on the bus ... churches are especially popular with scammers since they can count on people letting their guard down when dealing with someone who has "really strong faith".

For a bit of perspective, remember that scammer is a relatively recent usage. The general type is still normally called a con artist, confidence trickster or con man.

Keep on truckin'
Fritz



#5 HAWK

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Posted 22 April 2012 - 11:53 PM

The simple fact is, you broke the number one LDR dating rule. You NEVER SEND MONEY BEFORE YOU MEET IN PERSON. This has been posted many many times on WOF as well as other forums.

I wish it had work out for you and wish you had asked for some advice before sending her all that money.
After you have time to get over this and you will, come back to the forum and really start reading everything you can find. If you want to know something and cant find the answer then just ask. Thats what we are here for.

#6 asianstreak

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 02:51 AM

This is what my husband response to those men who wished they could have a marriage like us.Get some guts and fly in the Philippines....but of course not all american has the courage to do it...:rolleyes: .So for those who just wished and dream to have a good ,pretty filipina wife ..KEEP ON DREAMING and keep on wishing until the moon will fall in your hand...:lol:

#7 John C

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 04:29 AM

First let me say thank you to all the nice people here.
Your posts and insight have been helpful.

Because of my work I have not been able to go and visit the Philippines.
I did meet someone on one of the dating sites and we had been talking for a long time,
(try 3 years) and I had helped her with stuff, not a lot but some.
any way she said she had gotten her passport, and the visa to come here, even sent me pictures of them.
She just need the plane fare, OK, I guess I can do this,(please understand there is more to this than what I have just posted, it's just to long to get into it.
So she was to arrive in Chicago on the 11 of April. On the 7 of April she tell me that her father need an operation, and that she is torn, that she wants to come be with me, and helping her father.
I asked her where is his family, and why they can't help.
Well long story short, she gave the money to her father and did not make it here.

Now I am feeling like a fool, She has no way of making up the money that she gave away and I have no more to give.

I feel used, and I feel like I have been lied to.

So it's over between us. But the sad part is that I'm not sure if I can trust another filipina again.

So I will say Good Bye.
I have enjoyed the forum, you got a good group here.

Dawg



She did not give the money to her father and the three years was nothing to her as you were to her as a trap line is to a fur hunter. She finally caught one in that stop on the trap line. No biggie, live and learn. There's almost 50 million women in the Philippines to not trust them all now would be like not trusting all Americans because one of them ripped you off on E-Bay or stole your wallet on the bus.. If the cost of a plane ticket is causing you great hardship you probably cannot afford international matchmaking anyway so it's time to head off to the recycle bin at match.com I guess. Good luck sir.



JC

Edited by John C, 23 April 2012 - 04:30 AM.






#8 MrkGrismer

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 01:06 PM

any way she said she had gotten her passport, and the visa to come here, even sent me pictures of them.
She just need the plane fare, OK, I guess I can do this,(please understand there is more to this than what I have just posted, it's just to long to get into it.
So she was to arrive in Chicago on the 11 of April. On the 7 of April she tell me that her father need an operation, and that she is torn, that she wants to come be with me, and helping her father.


I hate to say it but the above is CLASSIC SCAM.

I would be curious to see the 'visa', although if you post it here I would say blur out the 'personal information'.

Generally speaking it is incredibility difficult for a single gal from the Philippines to get a tourist visa to the U.S., as the girl has to show compelling reasons to return to the Philippines.

Also, if she was due to fly on the 11th of April she would have needed to have booked the ticket way earlier, if she still had the cash at that time it was because she had no intention of flying.

Edited by MrkGrismer, 23 April 2012 - 01:07 PM.

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#9 nite_guy

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 01:52 PM

Sounds like she made her big pay day with you. Sorry that happened to you. It is a classic scam though, I have the visa, I just need money for the ticket. The sick father/mother/sibling/grandparent/child is another common scam. Had you accepted that she did the right thing for the sick father needing the operation, more requests for emergency cash would have been coming. Also had you mentioned sending her a nonrefundable ticket, there would have been all types of reasons why should could not fly on a ticket you bought. Actually maybe you already went through that and were convinced to send the money instead of an eticket. As others have mentioned, if you can't afford a ticket, you can't afford this process. The cost of a visit is minor compared to all the other costs you're going to have in order to bring a woman from over seas to the USA. I hope if you go forward with meeting another Filipina, it is with the intention of visiting her in her home country first. There are also those that will do anything to get to the USA and have every intent to leave you as soon as they secure their immigration status here. There are plenty of legitimate women looking for a match, but you have to sort out the bad ones first. That takes time and visiting her in her country.

#10 John C

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 04:10 PM

I hope if you go forward with meeting another Filipina, it is with the intention of visiting her in her home country first.


Why do you hope that based on what Dog wrote here? I don't. I think he's making the right decision. For all we know the woman started out sincere and decided to cut and run at about the 3 year mark of never being visited. Maybe she thought that's the least he could do to reimburse her for wasting 1/3 of her adult life with false hope. Like Dog said, there is a lot more to the story we don't know. How do you spend three years courting a Filipina online and belong to a site like this and not know enough about any of the process to believe the woman is going to just get a visa and fly to your arms? That kind of ignorance tells me he wasn't intending to ever make a move toward bringing her here, much less marrying her. If he said this all happened in a whirlwind then I could feel sorry for him but 3 years? Come on!


JC





#11 nite_guy

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 04:37 PM

Why do you hope that based on what Dog wrote here? I don't. I think he's making the right decision. For all we know the woman started out sincere and decided to cut and run at about the 3 year mark of never being visited. Maybe she thought that's the least he could do to reimburse her for wasting 1/3 of her adult life with false hope. Like Dog said, there is a lot more to the story we don't know. How do you spend three years courting a Filipina online and belong to a site like this and not know enough about any of the process to believe the woman is going to just get a visa and fly to your arms? That kind of ignorance tells me he wasn't intending to ever make a move toward bringing her here, much less marrying her. If he said this all happened in a whirlwind then I could feel sorry for him but 3 years? Come on!


JC


I did put the "if" in there. I also pointed out that if he can't afford a ticket, he can't afford to bring her over either. I don't think any of us can say for sure that she was not a scammer from the beginning, but I think its pretty certain she was one at the end. Did he deserve it for stringing her along for so long? Now that would be an entirely different question. I tend to lean towards I don't think anyone deserves to be scammed, and that includes using up someone's life with no intentions of taking it all the way. Although I do not believe that was his intent. He did mention helping out with things all along, so it could be he was getting scammed from the beginning and this was just the big score at the end. I've seen more than one person involved in this forum end up getting scammed. When someone thinks they're in love, they can be pretty darn blind and some scammers are pretty darn good to.

#12 Mr. Lee

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 07:50 PM

One thing to remember is, one can only get scammed if we allow ourselves to be. Money given because we wish to give it is not being scammed, yet IMO promises to buy an airline ticket and not doing so is.

I have been on forums a long time and I have read and reread the same type of story over and over again, and it always amazes me that people are members of forums hopefully to learn and share experiences, yet those things could never happen if a person was actually reading the forums and digesting the information that others have put forth on them.


As others mentioned, anyone reading this site should have been pretty much aware of the normal process it takes to marry and what it takes to then change status etc, so IMO only if a person is prepared to go through all of that, and has the money and time to do so, and also is prepared to spend what is necessary to do so, should they even consider getting involved with a lady from any other country since it is in fact expensive when the complete process is taken into account. If a person does not have the time or the money to do what is necessary to do it correctly, and therefore seeks to cut corners so to speak, IMO most likely it is not going to turn out well.

What would a person do if they married someone and then could not afford all that would be involved to legalize, or maybe it is not their intention to marry but if it was, then what about future trips home and helping family in emergencies etc, all of which has been discussed a length on this forum, and then the many other costs to come in any relationship, yet most likely even more when marrying someone from another country.

Now is it worth the great expense to have a wonderful, loving, kind, considerate and family orientated wife, yes I think it is, but it would seem that many people look for shortcuts their whole lives and when searching for a women it is most often no different. IMHO one has to do it correctly or not do it at all, and that pertains to all of life and not just finding a great lifetime partner.

If a person seeks out a Filipina and is not willing to go through the process and major expenses involved, then it is my opinion that they should try hard to find one close to home that is already in their country legally and might be found at the many events one can find locally where many Filipinos attend. Do a google for Filipinos and your area and hopefully there may be some you may find looking for love too.

Retired, happily married since 94 & live part time in Cebu City and the rest of the time in Florida, USA.


#13 John C

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Posted 23 April 2012 - 08:45 PM

One thing to remember is, one can only get scammed if we allow ourselves to be. Money given because we wish to give it is not being scammed, yet IMO promises to buy an airline ticket and not doing so is.

I have been on forums a long time and I have read and reread the same type of story over and over again, and it always amazes me that people are members of forums hopefully to learn and share experiences, yet those things could never happen if a person was actually reading the forums and digesting the information that others have put forth on them.


As others mentioned, anyone reading this site should have been pretty much aware of the normal process it takes to marry and what it takes to then change status etc, so IMO only if a person is prepared to go through all of that, and has the money and time to do so, and also is prepared to spend what is necessary to do so, should they even consider getting involved with a lady from any other country since it is in fact expensive when the complete process is taken into account. If a person does not have the time or the money to do what is necessary to do it correctly, and therefore seeks to cut corners so to speak, IMO most likely it is not going to turn out well.

What would a person do if they married someone and then could not afford all that would be involved to legalize, or maybe it is not their intention to marry but if it was, then what about future trips home and helping family in emergencies etc, all of which has been discussed a length on this forum, and then the many other costs to come in any relationship, yet most likely even more when marrying someone from another country.

Now is it worth the great expense to have a wonderful, loving, kind, considerate and family orientated wife, yes I think it is, but it would seem that many people look for shortcuts their whole lives and when searching for a women it is most often no different. IMHO one has to do it correctly or not do it at all, and that pertains to all of life and not just finding a great lifetime partner.

If a person seeks out a Filipina and is not willing to go through the process and major expenses involved, then it is my opinion that they should try hard to find one close to home that is already in their country legally and might be found at the many events one can find locally where many Filipinos attend. Do a google for Filipinos and your area and hopefully there may be some you may find looking for love too.




3 years of communication + zero knowledge of the immigration process = no serious intentions.


I cannot fathom an exception to this equation.

JC





#14 nite_guy

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Posted 24 April 2012 - 02:27 PM

3 years of communication + zero knowledge of the immigration process = no serious intentions.


I cannot fathom an exception to this equation.

JC


While I'm not sure the zero knowledge of the immigration process is true from the op's post, I haven't looked at previous posts, but one does have to wonder whats up with three years and no sign of visiting yet.

#15 John C

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Posted 24 April 2012 - 03:25 PM

While I'm not sure the zero knowledge of the immigration process is true from the op's post, I haven't looked at previous posts, but one does have to wonder whats up with three years and no sign of visiting yet.


He said this back in January about a tourist visa:

"Well all it takes is money.

money to get the visa, money to get the other paperwork done, money to prove (and land) to prove that she is in fact going to come back to PI, money for the plane ticket, and money for the show cash (about $1000.00 US).

just need money sweetheart"

So obviously he isn't totally ignorant of the process and such which begs the question how do you get scammed like that? I don't buy the "in love" defense. Dogs other posts here come across as wiser than that. There's something hinky here. Also his girl there was 18 when he met her three years ago so basically she has been waiting for him her entire adult life. If Dog decided it's just too much time and money to pursue her that's understandable but to trash an entire nation on the way out the door is a bit offensive to the majority of decent folks.



JC







#16 nite_guy

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Posted 25 April 2012 - 05:56 PM

He said this back in January about a tourist visa:

"Well all it takes is money.

money to get the visa, money to get the other paperwork done, money to prove (and land) to prove that she is in fact going to come back to PI, money for the plane ticket, and money for the show cash (about $1000.00 US).

just need money sweetheart"

So obviously he isn't totally ignorant of the process and such which begs the question how do you get scammed like that? I don't buy the "in love" defense. Dogs other posts here come across as wiser than that. There's something hinky here. Also his girl there was 18 when he met her three years ago so basically she has been waiting for him her entire adult life. If Dog decided it's just too much time and money to pursue her that's understandable but to trash an entire nation on the way out the door is a bit offensive to the majority of decent folks.



JC



Definitely something strange and not right was going on. There's never a reason to trash an entire race, but I accept that some people that feel hurt will react that way. If they're intelligent and reasonably, usually just at first, then they settle down and realize not all are that way.
He probably should have known a lot better. Not going to visit, going for the tourist visa, those are both just not the way. I wonder if there was something preventing him from going? Like not able to get a passport because of unpaid child support? Leaving him in a position where desperation attempts of getting her here was his only option? I've got nothing but wild guesses. If he could afford to help get her a tourist visa, he should have been able to afford going there.




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